So my guess is your are basically living the same life you lived for the last 30 years with one difference, you now know she is unhappy and capable of leaving. You probably have been reading up on healthy thriving relationships and have decided that is what you want. The problem you are encountering right now is that you realize it takes two people committed to having a healthy, thriving relationship. These types of relationships are hard and right now your w has no desire to commit to putting in the work because she’s currently on the fence. So right now you have 3 options:
1. Ride it out while working on yourself and see if she commits back to the marriage. The problem with this option is you are always going to be waiting for the other shoe to drop. Also without any incentive she is unlikely to put in the work.
2. Take SteveLW’s advice and give it a set amount of time and then D her. The problem with that is when you drop the d papers on her that might be the action to incentivize her to work on the marriage.
3. You tell her that this no longer works for you and you are no longer willing to have the remain status quo. Outline what you need from her to continue in the marriage. She can either accept your conditions, negotiate terms that work for the both of you or end the marriage.
None of these are ideal but unfortunately after bomb drop the game completely changes and is never the same. You can’t put the genie back in the bottle.
