Things are doin okay. I'm still looking for my balance in it all, and there are days when I have to force my outlook to be positive. Taking some time to let go of some things and starting to look forward to making some decisions about where I am headed now.
My project is on the road now, and I'm thinking of some new things to incorporate into it. Those old trucks didn't have the conveniences of today's vehicles. : )
There's nothing quite like driving around in an old truck ....
Originally Posted by MikeP
Mach, you asked me earlier what are some of my fears. While reading a response today on another posters thread, someone said that DBing is a 3-5 year journey. I got to thinking about that and realized another fear. I don't want to spend 3-5 years with someone that doesn't want to be with me. I don't want to wake up at 55-56 years old and have no-one. I am a person that enjoys my alone time, maybe too much. I also really love having someone to come home to. I'm not looking to walk away today. I guess it's the fear of the unknown. I can't dictate the outcome of this. At least not without giving up. I want to finish out my years with someone that can love me and wants to be with me. I know too many people that are alone and unhappy, my favorite uncle being one of them. He actually surprised me by saying he wishes he weren't alone and that I should do what I can to stay with my W. He was always a guy that did his own thing and was an "alpha" before we knew what that was. Now in his late 60's he's lonely. That stinks. Just posting my thoughts today while they are fresh. Thanks.
I get it....
Let me ask you this though....
Would you be willing to give that time if you were guaranteed that you would have that relationship with your current spouse ?
Would you be willing to give that time if YOU were to come out of it a better Husband, Father, Son, Friend ??
Even if it meant that you weren't married to your current spouse at the end ???
I dunno....to me...
Marriages ebb and flow continuously through good times and bad times.
Anyone can do the good times, it takes a special person to make it through the bad times.
I'm sure that you've had the good ones, and I know you are dealing with a bad time right now. Yet I would venture that it isn't the first "worst" time that you've dealt with. And I'm sure that your wife had been the one to carry you BOTH through one of those times.
I always looked at it that way. That my spouse carried the marriage on her back more than once throughout our years together. And maybe, just maybe, it was MY turn to carry the FULL weight of it for a while.
That's what it's sposed to be about .....right ???
In my next relationship....
I never wanted to be a widower at 54, even though I knew once her diagnosis was there, what our "end game" was....
And "it" won, for many months now. The fear...
However, I am taking it back. Little by little, day by day, inch by inch....
The fear....???
It's always gonna be there in some regard..
Fear is good, it means that we are alive and cognizant of our surroundings....
We fuel our fear through indecision and uncertainty.
Yet it isn't what we are afraid of...
It's how we face it, that ultimately matters in our lives.
This particular fear of yours seems to be tied to this....
You are trying to define yourself by whether or not you are married.....
And that is a LOT of your power to give away to her. It's also a lot of pressure to place on her by essentially holding her accountable for your feelings and emotions over it.
You are basically telling her that you cannot be successful unless you come through this whole...
That you can't be happy unless you have a Woman by your side, completing you as a person....
Do you always want to live with that fear ??
Kicking it's a$$ to the curb is hard....
Living with it always hanging around is harder...
You get to choose your "hard"
DBing is about become that "whole" person, regardless the outcome of your marriage....
Facing the fears that hunt you down, and stopping the monsters from playing in your head.
Cause I can tell you this for certain....
When you invest in Mike....
None of that other crap will have the power that you fear it has ....
I will also say that you are further down the road than you think that you are....so keep going...
