It definitely sounds like your W is experiencing some deep emotional turmoil or crisis. As you have seen, her path will be driven by her emotions. She will project fault(s) upon you, for while consumed in her emotional torment she cannot handle being wrong. And yes, at times those faults can be rather trivial, petty, or just made up. One of my XW’s justifications for her exodus from our 26 year marriage and 31 year relationship, was that the furnace vent blew air on her.
Currently you are her target of what’s wrong; the reason for her unhappiness.
Give her time and space. In time, hopefully she will realize that “hey, URS hasn’t been bothering me for a while, and yet I’m still unhappy.” Then with some good fortune she might start to consider that she is the cause of her unhappiness, and she will start to look inward instead of blaming you, friends, family, the world.
You did good stating you don’t want a divorce and she is to do the heavy lifting. There is no point repeating that. And no relationship talks, those will just push her away.
Keep pressure to a minimum. Her emotions are cranked to eleven and she cannot handle much of anything else. Pressure, stress, and such; and she will run.
