Divorcebusting.com Forums Like Post

I borrowed this from Rock’s thread, but it applies to my thoughts today as well after a rough Valentine’s Day.


I came to this site, as did most, with the intention of saving my marriage. In the process I have rediscovered happiness within myself, reconnected with friends and family, improved several physical and mental aspects of myself, became a much better father and employee. Almost all of this was a result of the help I’ve received here.

I currently feel like I don’t want anything to do with the woman who used to be my sidekick through life. I know that feelings change. Mine have changed several times. But having the disrespect rubbed in my face in my own home by W and her friends, and then having them pretend like nothing is going on is something I don’t feel like I should be dealing with any longer.

I am expecting W to file D papers next week, per her schedule. She has stalled on this since first saying she wanted a D in this summer. I expect her to continue to stall. My current struggle is do I wait to see if my feelings change, even though they are pushing further apart by the day, or do I just pull the plug? When do I know it’s the right time to stop fighting for my marriage? I told my kids I’d give it a year. It’s been 8 months. Last night I told them one way or another, someone is getting served by the end of the month. Yes, this was said out of anger and is not set in stone, but that’s how I feel at the moment.

So some context from yesterday:

Leading in to Valentine’s Day, I had a feeling that this would be a rough day for me. I did well with the other holidays/birthdays/anniversaries, but I was worried about this one. PMA was not working for me. I got home from work and started to run on the treadmill. While I was running, W said she had to go pick up D7 (our previous foster daughter who no longer lives with us) because D7 was sad and wanted to see us. D18 was leaving to hang out with her bf and quickly told me that she wanted to talk to me about a conversation she just had with W about OM and that he got her flowers and a gift. They both left, I finished my run and went to see what D18 was talking about.

I saw the flowers/gift and a few cards. One of the cards was from a close friend of W and I, who calls herself my children’s aunt, who was just at our house a few days ago. In it, she basically is trying to be a supportive friend for W saying stuff like “I’ll always be there for you, you’ll get through this”, etc, but she also referred to W’s new boyfriend by saying she was happy for her and her new temporary (bold/underlined) boyfriend. I’ve known that W has been cheating on me, but for some reason seeing it from a “friend” who knows about it, didn’t say anything to me about it, calls herself my children’s aunt, and just a few days ago responded to me thanking her by saying “that’s what friends are for” hit me different. Obviously I was upset about the flowers and gift, but this hurt equally as bad. I was ready to throw away W’s gift and leave all of her belongings outside. I called my sister to talk me out of doing/saying anything stupid that could hurt me later and she suggested I go to her house to watch a movie. As soon as W got home from getting D7, I said I’d be back later. She asked where I was going and when I’d be back because she had dinner plans (supposedly with a girl friend. Probably a lie, I don’t care though). I said I’ll be back later and left.

W got the kids to bed eventually after calling/texting me for 30 minutes straight (I didn’t respond) and left for her dinner plans. I was not in a state to be speaking to her. The kids were left with S19. I got home late, the same time as D18. D18 told me that she asked W who got her the gifts and W wouldn’t answer. She pried more, which prompted a conversation where W admitted that OM got her the gift/flowers. She told D18 that she no longer has an emotional connection with me and said she really likes this guy. Asked if D18 wanted to meet him. Said that OM really knows her because the flowers he got are black (W dresses in mostly black now. She’s never done this in her 38 prior years on this planet) She was basically trying to get acceptance of her behavior from D18. D18 stayed calm, but did not give her that comfort and said it was wrong of her to do that while married to her dad. I also found out that the indoor soccer team I just signed D5 and D7 up for is the same age group as OM’s daughter. So they will play against each other at some point in the next month. I asked D18 if she was okay and she still keeps saying yes, but I know there are emotions she’s keeping in.

I haven’t spoken to W other than a text response that I’m picking up D5 from school today. She asked me to call and I did not. W’s texts are complaints about lack of communication about the kids. I know this is BS, and I don’t care as W never mentioned leaving last night to me either. Like I was told a few weeks ago, none of this information is new. I’ve known she is cheating. I’ve known she is a liar. I would expect her stupid bf to get her a gift on Valentine’s Day. I understand that. It still hurts today though. I don’t want to make an emotional decision, but I cannot see myself with this woman ever again. (…feelings are fleeting…) The hurt probably means I still care. But I don’t want her in my house, I don’t want her friends in my house, I don’t want to talk to her and I want to throw her stupid gift in the fireplace. I will never understand her showing this much disrespect for the 22 years we’ve spent together. Just file for the d@mn D first…then you’re free to do whatever you want. I guess that’s MLC.

I think I’m going to read DR again the next few days. I’m going to fill the next 2 days with things away from my house, which should be easy. I’m going to enjoy the hell out of my trip. And when I get back, I’m going to make a decision or renew one.