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Hi B,
No, I have grown so much these past years that I will not let anybody influence my life anymore in that way. G is aware of that, and this has been even more clear the past week. I’ll explain later.
B, good question but I can’t compare since this is not the case and I can’t look at him like that. Like D said, this is a person with whom I have lived with half my life, I have always loved and still love this person in a matter that I haven’t loved anyone else. So I cannot answer this question in a rational way.
Yes, this is indeed something to think about. I have been with him several times this week and then his drinking is not a problem at all. On the ski-trip I would think he will not hold back. Not sure of course but they always went for the après-ski so pretty sure this was not with a soft drink if you know what I mean.
Yes, I’m pretty sure he is.
Dear Marching,
First of all I would like to say I’m very sorry you also landed in this position. Definitely one of the hardest things I have ever gone through but believe me when I say it, you come out so much stronger if you work on yourself. When I first came here I didn’t know what they meant at all but it sort of comes natural. It simply all takes time. And I’m not talking about your partner’s MLC, I’m talking about your path, your path of growth and understanding.
For me, it all began to change when I fully let go in February of last year. I didn’t even know myself I took the step but I simply didn’t need him anymore. I was just fine on my own, and this feeling grew stronger within a few weeks. If you read my full thread it all began in April 2019, so it took me almost 3 years to be where I wanted to be.
G slowly began to change a few months later, I guess it was around June of 2022 when I saw a shift. He was still with OW2 then. Believe me, I didn’t see it then, or maybe I did but G was such a clinging MLC’er that I could not tell the difference at all. He had been in and out for so many times…
It then still took him months before he told me the first time he really loved me. The first time he did was just before Christmas holiday, so 6 months later.
And still I’m not even sure it will last. Yes, currently it is genuine, that I’m sure of, but with MLC you never know which direction it will go. So I try to stay detached as much as possible but at the same time I’m reconnecting. Kind of strange to use these two words in one sentence but it is definitely possible when you are fully healed.

The past week we have been together on a regular basis and we text and talk a lot. To give you an idea of how their minds work at this stage I’ll give some examples of the messages he gives me and how they can flip flop from one day compared to another day.
1/ I had his sister over for dinner last week.
Day 1, Oh, I would love to come as well.
Day 2: I think this will give the wrong signals towards everybody. I would like to sort everything out for myself without pressure and opinions of other people. I’m enjoying my time with you so much, but I don’t want any pressure nor create expectations.
What is my reaction: Just do whatever you want. You can come, if you don’t want to, don’t come. I also enjoy our time together currently, for me this is just fine. (and this is what I really believe as well). Let’s not make it difficult, difficult has been there enough these past years. He then is completely as ease and I’m as well.
2/ The agreement we made was that he came over for the appetizers, but wouldn’t stay for dinner. So he did. A few hours later messages from him, which I didn’t see immediately since I was having fun with my visitors:
I know we agreed not to…but it hits me in the face…I already miss you so much and I realize how deeply I love you…Sorry
3/ I have been sleeping at his place for the first time this weekend. We had a great night.
Next day: I simply want to thank you for everything en I must say that I really enjoy our time together. This weekend was simply fantastic. Hopefully more to come.
4/ We agreed to go away for 2 days, just the 2 of us. The children are aware that we have contact on a regular basis. For me it is very important to not cover the truth. They are old enough to know this is the case. Of course I don’t share any details, but it is but normal that if I want them to be honest with me I do the same with them. When we talked about going away for a weekend he asked me not to tell the children since he is afraid they will be mad at him again if it eventually would not work out between the two of us. He doesn’t want to be the bad guy. I told him plain and simple I wouldn’t lie towards them. That the reason why they would not have contact with him was because he really hurt them since he completely shut them out of his life and he did things to them in a way that they had to do this to protect themselves. That they will never let him down if he is a good father for them and if he threats the people they love in a good way. I had to make him clear that their R is separate from our potential R. He then was at ease again. His mind still works in a different way then it does within most persons…
So far the update for now.
I’ll try to write soon again!!