No, you've done nothing wrong, I'm simply advocating using prior threads on this forum as an additional source of information/learning.

Many of your questions will be answered as you continue your research through this website as well as continue asking questions.

My best advice to you is to:

1. stop focusing on him.

2. Focus on yourself.

3. Stop going down the cheeseless tunnels of endless scenarios which may or may not ever happen.

4. Jump headfirst into GAL activities ASAP

5. Sit quietly and think long and hard about your core values and how you want to live a life that reflects those values separate from any other relationship, especially your marriage.

6. Once you figure out what makes you really tick, other answers will become readily apparent. You need to figure out who you are now. You already know who you were prior to this M, and who you were during this M. Who are you now, today, after BD and all the experiences you've had over the past few years? How have they changed you? How have they either solidified or changed your core values? Have your priorities/what's most important to you shifted as a result? This is important work to do. Get a notebook and spend some time writing this out. It's worth the effort.

7. Stop all R talks with your husband. I mean NOW. STOP.

8. Learn what the term cake eating means. I see a lot of it here, and you're serving it up on silver platters daily. Stop doing that.

9. Learn more about healthy boundaries and what you personally define as such.

10. Read the love languages book by Gary Chapman.

11. Start an exercise program. Even if it's a 20 minute walk a day that you aren't doing now.

12. Here's your STFU smoothie frequent user card. You get to punch out a star for every time you use it.

That's a good start for homework for you.