Mach1 and bttrfly have given you much to think about and yes, their postings are spot on. I have a feeling that you are a fixer. BTW, a majority of posters are fixers. You didn't break her, therefore you can't fix her. She needs to do the necessary work of looking within and figuring out herself. She knows that you are there for her, if she needs you.
So, when she posts to you, if the posting is not important or an emergency, just let it sit for a while. If she asks why you have not responded, just say "I was busy". You don't need to be there trying to fix her or her interactions w/the children. Unless she is harming the children, step back. It's okay to listen to what the children have to say about their time w/their mom, but do not ask them a lot of questions...let them come to you. If they tell you something that makes you angry, hold your temper until you can be in another room, take a walk, but do not show your children that you are angry because they may very well be hesitant to tell you anything else.
When you try and try and the same ole same ole isn't working, then try something else...but also, sitting quietly and doing nothing is doing something. Please re-read what the posters have posted to you. The advice you have been given comes from experience. Stay in your lane, keep the focus on you and your children. Whatever she is doing, is on her.
