W: I am not the bad guy, just the one that was brave enough to imagine a healthier life for both of us. When you do things that side you with the kids against me, it’s not healthy for any of us, and makes a future where we can have a respectful friendship very difficult.
Rock, you do see the manipulation at play here. Right? These folks are masters of manipulation and twisting the LBS to their will and purpose.
She’s is baiting you.
If you take umbrage and set the record straight that the kids side with you because of her behaviour, and she is being disrespectful and creating that future, she’ll use it against you.
If you, as she probably suspects, respond kindly like your proposed response, she’ll validate her position more.
Don’t take the bait. It’s a trap!
Brave enough?!? To cheat and throw away a marriage. Sure. Whatever.
A respectful friendship?!? You are kind and cordial and treat her friendly. You are not friends. Your friends do not treat you the way she treats you. (This may not always be the case, however for right now it is. In my humble opinion.)
She won’t hear you. Most people, by far most people, are not the villain in their own story.
Originally Posted by Rockon
Pausing. I don’t want to knee jerk, defend or argue. I appreciate your input everyone.
Here’s a draft.
“I can see now why you would be hurt and how that could feel like me siding with our kids. Thank you for telling me.That’s not my intention.
I don’t see myself as a victim and I don’t see you as the bad guy. I’m glad that we are both focusing on our health.”
Well done taking time before responding. Give it 48 hours. Lots of time for your emotions to settle. I bet you won’t feel like responding in a couple of days. Or at least, like how you’ve proposed.
As to your draft. You are siding with the kids. They certainly do not deserve this mess, stress, and strife from the fallout of the relationship between their parents. Always be on the side of your kids. And unapologetically! Your are their rock! Period!
Do you really not see W as the bad guy? Is she the good guy? Are there any bad or good guys in your story? I’m curious as to how you see things.
I’m thinking the best DB response would be a truth dart or two.
