For me to be in a marriage relationship, I have a firm boundary that I don’t have a relationship with my W if she commits adultery and is not repentant.
I know it hurts, but if it's true W went on a trip out of the country to visit OM she has already committed adultery in an emotional sense and almost certainly in a physical sense, and you're fooling yourself if you don't think there are very long odds that she's actually repentant. By the far most likely outcome of this trip is she's had a PA and will not be sorry about it. You need to dace reality and prepare yourself mentally for this outcome. And the question becomes if this is a firm boundary for you, how are you going to enforce that boundary? What actions do you plan to take?
Originally Posted by Rockon
What do I say if she reaches out to me and wants to talk?
Well that's really up to you. A few have mentioned the "Contact my L, here's the info" approach. Or you could say you're too busy...or better yet BE too busy. However, if you agree to talk because you most likely will because you're not strong enough yet to blow her off whatever you do don't beg or plead or even give in easily rather just listen and validate and don't commit to anything.
Originally Posted by Rockon
As I write this, I recognize I am still very much processing so much deep hurt. And so I am trying to see more clearly but it’s hard.
I know man, I've been there. It's awful...sorry. You WILL get through it though.
Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by Rockon
I have read that you can be wise to define a timeline for a trial separation of 3 to 6 months and to come up with agreements for the trial separation.
You read wrong. WWs do not follow any agreements so a waste of time.
She's already broken her vows and gone off to see OM. You can not in any way trust her to live up to any "trial separation agreement". It's meaningless and unenforceable. She's going to do whatever she wants to do whether you pinky swear or put it in writing. You simply can't trust her, so don't bother making an agreement.
Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by Rockon
As I write this, I recognize I am still very much processing so much deep hurt. And so I am trying to see more clearly but it’s hard.
It's the desperation that you spoke about earlier. You are trying hold on to something that is already gone and is an awful feeling. You are going to have to find a way through it.
Suffering is wanting reality to be different than it is. Once you let go of what you want it to be and accept what it is, you'll stop suffering.
Originally Posted by Rockon
I’ve been working to take my power back. I’ve got a ways to go on that.
This is the single most important thing you can do. Take your power back. It's understandable you have a ways to go, but keep working on it. The sooner you find your strength and power the faster you'll feel good...and for what it's worth the more attractive you'll be.
Originally Posted by Rockon
Connecting with good friends had a good workout and swim today and a big walk to and from second appointment.
Originally Posted by Rockon
But I just arrived back at my hotel in a great city after taking my son out for dinner and to the skatepark on a beautiful night. The skate sesh was sick and I felt such Love joy and peace along with a couple other homies out skating
