Sorry you’re here. There’s been thousands before you, and there will be thousands after you.
It won’t be okay today… or tomorrow… or next month. But one day, it will all be okay.
I’ll add some more when I’m not working, yet just wanted to make a quick comment around the “your next wife can thank me” and the comments about how you threw it away by not agreeing to marriage counselling before your trip away.
It’s all BS. If you’d gone to MC then, she would have used it to start separation. Or she would have said “I can’t believe you thought we could fix your problems in our marriage in two weeks, you don’t care about me.”
It’s really important to know that whatever you do, you’re in the wrong. You could be the best husband, person and father in the world - and she would still blame you for everything.
Beg - she’ll tell you you’re weak. Walk away - she’ll tell everyone you didn’t try. Agree with her on everything, you’re just trying to trick her into coming back. Disagree with her on everything, and you’re an [censored] and that is why she has to leave.
NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, YOU ARE WRONG, SHE IS RIGHT AND SHE WILL SEEK VALIDATION FROM EVERYONE THAT THIS IS YOUR FAULT. You have to learn to be okay with that.
Learn to disconnect. Follow DB principles. Accept she’s going to be angry sometimes. And do not disappear down the tunnel where you are terrified of every interaction like each word you say could be the final nail in the coffin. It’s not like that, and probably no matter what you do, she’s going to do what she’s going to do. Don’t live or interact or respond through fear.
Best of luck. Stop worrying about her, and start worrying about you.
As Steve said, best thing you can do is walk the other way happily. If she realises what she’s throwing away she might come around, and if she doesn’t … you’re already a long way down the road to starting your new life.
I’d think seriously about kicking her out of your bedroom. No sex! If she doesn’t want to be your husband, she can sleep on the couch IMHO. “I’m hearing that you don’t want me as your husband. I’m respecting your wishes. It’s best you sleep on the couch from now on.” And then leave the house before she starts an argument.
