YOU burn every ounce of fuel that you have inside of you....every day, then you recharge and begin anew tomorrow...
Quitting now allows you to be a victim of her behavior. And that doesn't sound like you....
She carried this marriage on her back for how long ??
And you want to give up after a few months ?
Puss
: )
I get what you're saying but I'm supposed to green-light EAs and W being emotionally distant because those interactions are being directed toward some other douche?
What if that is really what is happening ??
What then ?
Is that your dealbreaker ??
Can you walk away with zero regrets ??
Originally Posted by Doug54
Originally Posted by Mach1
Who gives a flying fcku what she's doing...
What are YOU doing ??
You make your way through this with your GAL....
You also get through this by spending an enormous amount of time inside of your own head...
You own your crap, you work through the 'sting' moments, you invest in things that complete you.
You don't let her actions define who you want to be....
You act "as if" everything is going to work out the way you hope that it will.
I always knew without a doubt, that my situation would work out the way that I wanted it to. Right up until I decided later that it wouldn't. And THAT was still my decision....
What goals do you have for you. Not the marriage......YOU ???
What are you doing differently than you have in the past ??
Because 'standing' doesn't mean standing still, and with that mindset, you are simply 'waiting'...
I'm being who I want to be...but that guy might want to be with someone else if all I'm going to get is crumbs. I'm doing tons differently. I'm living my best life and starting to embrace it even more with each passing day. At 43 I've set a slew of personal bests in the gym. I would like it to work out with W, but I'm not a martyr.
What does working it out mean to you ??
Not a glossed over version either...
What does that look like ??
Kudos on the personal best at the gym....
DBing, is striving for a personal best at life...
THAT is what I'm looking forward to issuing Kudos on....
Originally Posted by Doug54
Originally Posted by Mach1
DO NOT let her off the hook for this...
Ok, this one threw me a little....don't let her off the hook for her EA and texting or whatever she has going on?
This response intentionally left blank....for now...
Originally Posted by Doug54
Originally Posted by Mach1
Same thing we discussed a while back....
You are either in, or you are out.
I would hate for you to be sitting on your porch down the road, wondering "if only".....
What do you recommend? If I stay in, what does that entail?
I'm gonna start off by asking you this....
What does fully embracing DB mean to you ??
What does that look like ???
Sigh....
Look, I'm not gonna get all preachy with you here..
You appear to be around the 5-6 month mark. I haven't posted to anyone yet, that around that time mark, hasn't become frustrated and wanted to quit because the reality of their situation is starting to sink in.
There is an anger that they can't control their spouse...
There is a fear that divorce will become their new future label...
There is a fear of judgement from friends and family because of a divorce...
There is a frustration that essentially, we can't have "our way", and things just won't go back to normal.
We envision our spouse coming home one day, and having make up sex and everything goes back to what it once was.
We can slip back into being an asshat, and all patterns return to normal, and we never have to look into that mirror, and realize the issues that have plagued us for years....
We can go back to being angry, frustrated, and controlling. Letting passive aggressive behaviors control the free will of another human being...
Because doing anything different scares the bejeesus out of us....
Around that timeframe is when you define your stand, and what that stand means to you....
You define who you will become on the other side of this...and define who you are through this.
Truthfully ? Most 'guys' can't get past their own machoism and the perception that they need to get laid, and give up...
Looking in the mirror is too hard, and requires total honesty within themselves, something that has often been missing throughout their lives....
We define our vows, and what they mean to us, and who we want to be through them....
Better or worse...right ?
Fcuk man......anyone can do the 'better'....
It's the 'worse' that defines who we are...
Richer or poorer ?
Anyone can do the 'richer'
Who are you when you don't have two nickels to rub together ?
Sickness and health ??
Anyone can do 'health'
It's who you are when sickness invades you...
You DB because you choose to DB, and nobody else can define that for you...
What do your vows mean to you ??
F her man.....
YOU ??
Although you said them to her, they are for you, what you vowed to do regardless if she is sitting on your lap giving you a happy ending, or she is texting ILY to the f-ing garbage man...
It's your commitment TO her....no matter what....
So your choice....in or out..
You said you wanted in, yet I didn't believe your answer then, because you didn't believe it either...
Standing is YOUR choice....
Limbo is YOUR choice...
Loving her is YOUR choice...
So to answer the above....
Standard issue WAS playbook, chapter 3, paragraph 14...
"I wish you would just go find someone to make you happy "
When that happens, depending on your answer to the above, YOU essentially, let her off the hook...
You relieve every ounce of her remorse, guilt, and you justify her excuse for wanting out.....
