I finally had some time to reply to some of these insightful and very helpful posts and I started typing and I got the “break up” phone call from the hockey player. I felt something was off from our last date and I wasn’t wrong. Sometimes I think I’m paranoid but my gut is always 100% right. We ended up meeting up on Thursday as I had the day off. It was actually a fantastic day, we got a massage and hung out down the shore on the boardwalk ate and had some drinks. He told me how awesome the day was etc. then the next day I felt the distance. And a woman knows . He called me to tell me he has strong feelings for me. Went in to list everything he liked about me , etc. but said he was falling into his old patterns ( like getting into a relationship too fast) and he knows he needs to take time to work on himself. He’s doing the whole move in to his new place this week ( the one he couldn’t wait to have me to, lol) he said he hated having to do this, but he has to. He says he knows it’s cliche but he really wants to stay friends and that he hopes I do to and did say he would be hearing from me soon. I didn’t really respond to that, because I really honestly didn’t know how I felt about that in the moment.
I was/am sitting alone the beach when he called me . I’m trying to figure out how I feel about this. On one hand I knew this was going to happen. I know I broke my rules. Did I hope maybe it would turn out good? Yes. I tried to put a little hope out into the universe. Do something different. Go with the flow.
Now how do I feel about him as a person? I still think he is a great person. I actually still and kept seeing a whole bunch of green flags, except maybe getting out there too early. He has been super respectful of me, we talked openly about our situation, we agreed when it wasn’t going to work anymore we would be honest and communicate. And he did just that. He called, made the respectful phone call. I just didnt expect it to be this soon. I also didn’t expect coming off a date where we talked about the awesomeness of it all. But I guess that put him back in reality and where he needs to be right now. The timing was awful for us. Part of me feels like he wasn’t the wrong person, it was truly the wrong time . Regardless, this blows.
My life has really been so stressful lately. With my ex and work, and money, and Time I just have been feeling so so so so heavy. I have a lot of decisions to make too. He was always the bright spot in my day. We weren’t surface level, we connected, we had depth, he was communicative, he have shared interests. He really liked things about me that I didn’t think were all that likable. But he had to do what he had to do and I do believe he had my feelings in mind when he did it.
Another one bites the dust!!! What else is new? Guess I’ll stick to my rules from now on. Rules are there for a reason, right? I’m also taking a break from dating. I just can’t really handle the soul crush now that dating can be.
I’m at my dads because the 3 of us are going to see a concert tonight I have to wipe my tears away before I go back up and I’ll soldier on. I’m not going to let this ruin fun plans I have. I don’t get them very often and I want to fully enjoy myself.
I know some people might come out and blame me and say “you knew how this was going to end” and don’t worry, I beat myself up enough in the last half hour and I am sure I will continue too. But I would like to go easy on myself just a little for once. I took a chance, it didn’t end the way I hoped and I now I hurt, but that’s a part of life. I knew I was taking a huge risk, I went with the flow, but it just ended not the way I hoped and now I simply have to deal with that.
I’m a pro at getting over guys though. So I’ll get over this one. He was something special though. Just super bad timing .
