I politely explained that this was the path I wished to take
Good.
Originally Posted by Doug54
but she cornered me to say that I was being arrogant in not going.
She clearly has resentment. Just stay calm and firm.
Originally Posted by Doug54
She furthered that with a statement about wanting out and this counselor helped with that process.
You don't need a counselor to get divorced.
Originally Posted by Doug54
I was mostly successful with a 180 of not returning fire and validated her feelings
Good!
Originally Posted by Doug54
but it kept turning to me "having options" (family nearby to move in with)
That's her problem. Seriously. She wants to divorce you. Just because you have family nearby doesn't mean she gets special treatment. Stand up for yourself and your rights, regardless of whose family lives closer. Do not move out.
Originally Posted by Doug54
and that I didn't get to keep her in this marriage.
She's right. That's her decision.
Originally Posted by Doug54
I gestured toward the door and said I wasn't stopping her, but I didn't want the breakup of the family on my conscience.
So the first part of this is good...if you didn't do it with any attitude. The second part is a little pressure/blaming. Maybe an "That's not what I want, but I won't stop you." But overall much better than most LBSs/newbies.
Originally Posted by Doug54
That was followed with talk of her having to get a lawyer and how this process would be "more expensive than it has to be" - not sure if this meant a separation or officially filing, which is a little purposeless in my state if you're not separated yet.
Most of these stiches end up involving lawyers. Things just escalate. I don't have any official stats, but seems like most aren't just handled easily between the two parties.
Originally Posted by Doug54
I said I understood that she felt frustrated but that I didn't plan to leave my own house.
Perfect!!! Well done.
Originally Posted by Doug54
She does not have the means to move out and her family is hours away. The kids will be starting school soon, which has always been a two-parent process in our household (mom= morning; dad = afternoon).
Again, her problem. She wants to divorce you. Part of that is her moving out, handling the financial impacts, handling the logistics of kids school and activities. All she sees is the happiness of running through the field free and careless to the world. At some point realities are going to kick in for her - don't protect her from those realities. She'll have to deal with them.
Originally Posted by Doug54
I'm just not sure how tense it may get around here.
It might get a lot more tense. Are you strong enough to rise above, keep your head up, and go about enjoying your life?
Originally Posted by Doug54
I know I shouldn't surmise her thought process or inclinations, but I almost wonder if just going to the MC session would calm the waters for now. Not to act in a co-dependent way, but I'd prefer the kids not be subject to further arguing.
Plenty of us have recommended against MC unless she's fully bought into working on the marriage, but ultimately you're going to have to choose what to do.
Doug54 - I think you're doing real relative to most LBSs. Hang in there and stay strong.
