Hi DB friends,
I am taking a break from posting on this forum but wanted to throw out a few thoughts to people posting here so you can give the right advice to those seeking help. These are just my personal opinions, so if you feel they are incorrect feel free to ignore them.

There are some instances where people have tried to misinterpret MWD's teachings and used it to push incorrect theories that are based on their own bias. I am listing some examples below and related quotes from MWD. I encourage you to reread her books, but at a minimum read the summary on DB site (https://www.divorcebusting.com/sb_the_divorce_remedy.htm) from which I have borrowed her quotes.

Well-meaning friends and family
Oddly enough, some of the people nearest and dearest to you are part of the problem. This is not to say that they don't have your best interest at heart. They do. They love you. They can't stand to see you in pain. More than anyone, they know you and know how much you deserve happiness in your life. Their caring is genuine. Why then, do I say that your loved ones can be misdirecting you?

The Biased Shoulder
When you share your unhappiness with loved ones, what they hear is your side of the story, and your side only.

I have seen multiple instances where the advice falls into these two categories. It is especially worse in cases where posters seem to know each others personally in real life or have interacted with each other for many years through years of posting on this forum. As a hypothetical example, if someone says their ex is making their kids' life horrible but the kid is happy and content going over to the ex's house and spending time with them, there is a possibility the poster may not be accurately representing the situation. You may want to think twice about feeding the beast and pushing the poster towards alienating their child from the ex.


To begin with, you need to know that, first and foremost, therapists are people. No matter how well trained they may be, what you get when you seek therapy is the person behind the therapist. All people have life experiences that help shape who they are, their beliefs, their values, their morals, and their interests, and therapists are no exception. It's literally impossible for therapists to check their values and perspectives at the door at the start of a therapy session.

A therapist's views about marriage are influenced by many things, including the quality of his or her own parent's marriage.

If trained therapists have this problem, please be aware that as an untrained person providing advice on the internet, you are likely to have a lot of bias. Keep this in mind before pushing posters hard to do something you feel is right. Your personal experience may be valuable to the poster, but respect the fact that they may not share your moral, religious or cultural bias.

If you are considering divorce, I want you to know that I agree with you if you think that life is too short to be miserable. It's true that we only have one go-around and that your life isn't a dress rehearsal. You need to hear me say that I am not suggesting you stay in an unhappy marriage and resign yourself to loneliness and misery. Far from it. That wouldn't be good for anyone!

Being pro-marriage does not mean there are situations where divorce may be the right thing for a particular person in a given situation. I have seen posters attack others with statements such as 'MWD is pro marriage' and 'this is a Divorce Busting site' to push incorrect theories that reflect their own opinions. I personally feel a marriage should be saved if possible, but I also feel we should accept the limitation of not knowing everything about the poster's situation and hence avoid judging them. Educate them on the perils of divorce and encourage to think about ways to save the marriage, but please don't judge them based on your personal bias.

There are a lot of sane voices on this forum that provide valuable help to many that are going through a tough time in their lives. Thanks for all you do and keep up the good work.

Ciao!