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First off.....DBing can seem deceptive, however there are no magic bullets through this. And the BEST way to try to save your marriage is to become a better version of yourself.
IF this is MLC, then your goal is to try and outlast the MLC, while working on yourself and trying to be the best version of Reeling that you can be ...consistently....
MLC or WAS doesn't really matter for right now, until you get a grasp on yourself and stop thinking emotionally, and start to find your center...
However...
IF THIS IS MLC.....???
There are gonna be things that make your head want to spin all the way around through this.
MLC....IF he is.....IS a test of EVERYTHING that you have inside you .....
What he is going through is not pretty, and never think that it is on purpose either....There are things in his head that you cannot begin to imagine.
A couple hits though.....
MLC'ers lie......period
MLC'ers project their feelings onto the person closest to them...
MLC'ers...cheat on their spouses....not all, but the majority of the time.
To get through this, you will need to understand that YOU are the only person that you can do anything about....
Don't spend this time that HE needs, pining away waiting for him..
Do for you ....Always
Take care of YOU..... You need to make yourself Number one.......
Realize that you can do everything "right" and there is no guarantee that you will come out the other side with a restored marriage with him....
What WILL happen is that you will realize that YOU will come out the other side of this a better person.
Take the time to understand what you are dealing with , and then do the work for yourself.....Strive to be better everyday....
Don't snoop....the only person you will hurt is you.....
Don't ring any bells that can't be un-rung
Don't put a timeline on this....there is none except his....
Don't think there is something YOU can do to change this path for him...
You're never gonna talk your way out of something you acted your way into...
Time...Patience...Understanding....and being real...
Those are your friends right now....Your best friends...
Give plenty of space
Do for you
Understand your role right now to get through this....
One day at a time....One hour at a time....and in the beginning?
One minute at a time...
Don't talk to family and friends about this either, you will only hurt you.....
Come here to vent and understand, there is NOTHING you can say that will shock any of us....
I have always said that I wouldn't wish this onto my worst enemy....at first I meant because of the hurt....Now ?
Because I wouldn't want him to be as good of a man than I ....
What is gained through this , is far more than what is lost.
Think of this as a positive thing, as long as YOU DO THE WORK....
There isn't as much activity here as in the past, so spend that time in the Archives, and read and understand as much as you can to help you through the dark times.
MLCers seem to follow a script of sorts.
I love you but not in love with you. Rewriting of history. You were controlling. Spending New friends
The list goes on and on. Read the DR section on MLC, it is actually on a link on here and then read the resource thread here. Educate yourself about what you might be dealing with.
Then, later down the road, read it again. You will know. And one thing to please keep in mind, the stages as they are broken down, do NOT follow the neat way they are typed out. They bounce back and forth, up and down, and just all over the place.
