Do not - do NOT - agree to anything financial right now without your lawyer's input.
Tell her this should go through your lawyers.
I agree with asking her to put in writing whatever it is she is thinking. But don't respond to it - just say you will discuss it with your lawyer. You need a good idea from your lawyer about what is likely in a divorce settlement in your case. But definitely do not negotiate or agree to anything with her without your lawyer's input.
With 3 kids, there will be child support, custody issues, and if you're in a community property state, splitting of assets accumulated during the marriage. If there is a big disparity in your incomes there might also be alimony for 1/2 the length of the marriage. It will be complicated and you definitely want your lawyer's input.
She of course, like most WASs, will have an unrealistic idea of what she will get in a divorce. You could try to explain the facts of life to her but she will not welcome it from you; nor will you want her to stay only because she feels financially "trapped".
Also - do you suspect her forcing the issue of discussing divorce is a reaction to you starting to act like you're accepting that will happen? Like she's trying to push you into begging her to stay? (Don't! But it's okay to reiterate that divorce is not what you want, but you won't stand in her way.)
I haven't read all of your thread, I see she had a previous bomb drop in 2018. Which leads me to ask - how confident are you that she was faithful in between 2018 and today's AP? Are you positive your 1 year old is your biological daughter?
