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who she may date or find, as they will possibly be around my kids
Originally Posted by Jq25
Dink, you have adult kids, they can and will reason.
Consider yourself fortunate (if that's possible considering the circumstance) that your children are adults and you don't have to worried about them being raised or influenced developmentally by other men. I can understand the hurt it might cause to have them spend time with OM, but you'll never have to worry about another man raising your kids or calling him dad.
Originally Posted by Dink
And she mentioned since we have been separated about feeling better overall
Right. This is common. Don't take that on as your fault. Right now she's out of the situation she didn't want to be in and feels free without a care in the world and life is good with OM. That won't last.
Originally Posted by Dink
He the said I don't care which one of you find someone else first im telling you right now im going to have a problem with it.
She's already living with OM, right? Your kids aren't going to be happy when they learn the truth, and they will.
Originally Posted by Dink
No I am not looking to date or anything else. I am no where near ready for any of that.
Good. I understand the desire, trust me. However, there are a lot of reasons you shouldn't. For example: 1) it will hurt any chance to R down the road, 2) it will upset your children and increase the perception in your mind you are to blame, 3) you're not ready and will likely attract others who are broken, 4) you'll likely hurt the next person you get involved with...etc, etc.
Originally Posted by Dink
I was just curious how long other s went before even looking at the option or if they did at all, or if there are now in a new relationship and how long after. Just a curiosity question I guess.
It varies widely. Some start affairs of their own or date right away, others wait years, and of course there are many in-between. The ones who jump right in typically don't process their own issues and end up hurt and in bad situations.
Dink - SteveLW, DevaJu6, Kind18, & LH are all objectively correct in that analyzing the situation and getting stuck trying to figure out your W is a waste of time and not helpful moving forward. However, I want to balance their directness with a softer approach in your case situation. You've been married decades and on this board less than a month. It's perfectly natural to spin a bit and overanalyze and take time to process. Almost everyone does and that's ok. Don't beat yourself up over it. You'll get there. Don't expect it to happen overnight. BUT, do listen to what they're saying and make moves in that direction.
