My mother was clean for nearly 10 years. One big life event through her over the edge. And that was cocaine, not heroin. I’m willing to hear him out.
This example is probably the highest risk - for anyone. Addition can often be managed when things are going well but when a huge life event hits, it can really screw things up. I have a friend who did great in recovery from alcohol and also cocaine. He had I think 14 years. Then his fiancé broke up with him blind side bomb drop style (would have been his 4th wife) and that sent him right back to drinking. His rationale? Well coke was his real issue so drinking is not the same thing. Um, okay.
OUD (opioid use disorder) can be really, really hard to treat. Five years is a great milestone but no guarantee - especially if under the age of 30. (I realize this guy is older) I had to count my years, I think it's 12.5 but that was not heroin or IV opioids but I have to be vigilant for the rest of my life whether oxy or H. Thing is, my addiction is probably on the lower end of concerns with dating me honestly it is.
I don't know this guy from Adam but from what you are saying, it almost seems like you guys are not a match if his heroin history was not even an issue. If you are different people and you don't think physical attraction is not there, it won't matter what his history is. I know you want to cut people slack and are trying to be realistic - and that's good. But just don't lower the bar too far. Living at home for 5 years as an adult is a bigger red flag to me than previous H addiction is. Then not a lot of ambition - something many daily pot users have in common, it just is, plus sounds very unmotivated, (again daily weed) has this social or whatever type of anxiety. OMG, he can't fit any list of traits you've got to be looking for. I mean, "If only I could find someone who smokes pot daily, lives with his mom, doesn't have much of a career, has social anxiety and is a recovering addict, I'd find my dream man" SAYS NO ONE! Or at least I sure hope so.
And I again agree with KML and Butterfly - you're being honest. It really is okay to say no. It's a balance of keeping options open and an open mind but also keeping your standards high. Why does this guy sound like a different version of M? I just get that vibe.
You deserve a good guy Ginger if not a great guy. A guy who has his sht together. A guy who is driven, motivated, hard working, smart, accomplished, in addition to kind, funny, fun and into you. Something tells me mama's boy is not him. Wish he was. I think he may be single for a reason.
