Hi Kit, if you're happy with how things are going, that's fantastic. Like, "Go KitCat!" I'm rooting for that happy for you. I see happy moments but also unfulfilled desires.
I hear ya!
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Originally Posted by KitCat
Ginger --- where is the proof that he is still with OW??? He says he is not, but frankly I would not put him at the top of authority of truth.
I read this like someone ignoring the truth--like someone buying a "Rolex" for $100 ("Where's the proof it's fake??"). I could completely understand if you said, "Any vow is between him and OW. I don't care if he's cheating on OW." or "OW cheated on me! I'm angry and want to get back at her." Your actual response sounds a bit like a head in the sand. There's smoke, but you won't worry about a fire unless it's proven. I wonder if you actually feel one of the above but aren't to admit that feeling. I wouldn't blame you if you were angry at OW and wanted to hurt her back. It's a common desire.
Do I appreciate the irony that he cheated on her with me... yes... yes, I do. But, as I explained in later post. OW is not and has never been my competition. From what I am understanding he was cheating on her long before he started coming around and hooking up with me??? AGAIN, not my circus and not my monkeys. OW should have known what a broken hot mess she thought she was winning!
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Originally Posted by Ginger
if you have no desire to be either of their number one’s and that isn’t your true desire or end goal, all the more power to you.
Like Ginger says, if you enjoy having sex whenever XH or Pilot want it, and are okay that's your primary value to them, this is a great path. What makes me suspect you want more is when you say things like--
So what I am saying is that I'm living life without expectations.
Would I turn down an LTR with Pilot? Nope. But, I accept where he is... and frankly he is an odd duck. If it just turned out we are just to be friends, I would be cool with that, but no sex.
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Originally Posted by KitCat
I came down with COVID and life is hard enough living alone but when you are really really sick it completely bites. I have no family in the area. I had about 3 really rough days and I got very needy. I really pushed my XH. And, I got the expected "I don't care about you or what you do, its none of my business, you want to impress me then go find a new guy". I mean I get it. He was feeling pushed and reacted defensively. But, its quite clear from all the texts asking me about my day, etc in the last 4months that he does care some. He could not leave me alone on my trip because he knew I was with someone.
KitCat, ýou got COVID and were feeling sick and he told you, "I don't care about you." No, it's not obvious he cares about you. I have no friend nor acquaintance I would say that to. I do remember when I was in a dark place MANY YEARS AGO I'd tell my then GF "I don't love you." and she'd say "Oh, of course you do."?! You seem to be ignoring what he's telling you. The more obvious reason for worrying about who you're with is to keep his flow of sex and control.
I wasn't very clear. During COVID he was supportive and checking in with me. It was maybe 3-4 weeks after and I'd gotten very needy for about a week. It was more like he was angry and defensive. It was a slew of texts meant to be mean. He was looking to hurt me. Saying things like if you want to impress me to get a new nice guy... then today being upset because I have someone new on the line...
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Originally Posted by KitCat
I stated "Well I don't ever want to say no to that! Physical attraction is great but I really need emotional and intellectual attraction as well. Like what was the weirdest thing this week or what something you want to do this year."
KitCat, <3. You stated your needs. "I really need emotional and intellectual attraction as well." That's what I see when I read your posts--a beautiful person (vet, kind, empathetic) not getting her needs met and not on a path to get them met. The perfect response to him being a pig was radio silence. If he's on the spectrum (doesn't understand social cues) and you're still interested then be BLUNT "You're being a pig. You have my number when you're better rested."
^^^^ That is EXACTLY what I should have said. 100% best response.
Instead I apologized for the miscommunication, stroked his ego, told him I'd like to see him again and if he wanted to see me again that I hoped he would reach out.
Walking away....
The universe handed me my arse today... in a harsh way.
My XH and I had been texting all day. Take a bad moment that just snowballs for 6hr. I finally had to say - just stop, I can't do this right now. He starts saying the oddest things... like I took your advice, I had in a moment of frustration a month ago said something which he interpreted to be an ultimatum from me - which it never was because one thing I've know for 12yr is that is the worst thing you do with my XH. That at least explained some behavior in the last month.
I'm honestly just emotionally exhausted.
Today was not a good day.
Tomorrow can be better.
Literally putting both these men on mute right now.
