I do think a big chunk of this really should be sorted out in IC. It feels like you are having a difficult time understanding how to self differentiate in a relationship with out boxing yourself out completely, in to my family and your family. I also feel like there's some insecurity and jealousy bubbling under the surface, and it's not cute.

Another aspect I'm wondering is what your parenting support system looks like. Do you have other single parent friends? Do you have other parent friends? Do you have a reliable baby sitter? Nanny? Friends who love your kids? Family? You sound like you need a break and the breaks your exW gives you seem to be spent not on you. I know you feel like you need those other jobs so they are there when you want them, but freelancing and adjuncting are up to you. If the skill set exists you can very easily set it aside and come back to it if you want or need to. I don't know a single university that isn't always looking for adjuncts. And the point of freelance is to freelance. So I get it. But if you don't have time for you, I hate to tell you this but the kids aren't going to make it for you. You can either suffer in silence about burnout, or you can take some action. You're burned out. Full time single parenting is hard. It's even harder with a contentious ex. It's even harder when you're burning the candle at both ends, aren't reaching out for help, and trying to make a romantic relationship work. It honestly feels like you're beyond burnt out and moving swiftly into depression territory. <- Another great reason to get into IC if you aren't right now.

There's a really stupid motivational saying out there "everyone has the same 24 hours in a day." It's supposed to make people think they are lazy if they aren't constantly grinding, doing, making moves. The reality is, no everyone doesn't have the same 24 hours in a day, the world just doesn't work like that. And as a single parent of two if you had 36 hours in a day you still wouldn't have that same time. The fact is you have more to do, with less time, and less hands than some. You also have less to do with more money than some. That's not to shame you, that's to remind you if you can afford help, get yourself help. Let yourself have the single parent luxury of a little bit of time back, a little bit less of a mental, emotional, or physical load to carry. You're in the thick of this kid stuff. I get it. But those boys are going to be getting more and more independent faster than you can imagine, and leave dear old dad behind, and if you don't have a life outside of those kids them leaving for college will turn your world upside down. I know you have a gf, and a job, and you're an adult. But are you every fully you? Do you have hobbies? Do you do things just for yourself? Do you ever have time to grab a drink or dinner with old friends sans kids?

I know you came looking for advice about the gf and her exH. Or how to maintain a romantic relationship or just not be so annoyed with your ex and lonely but honestly I think you've been so kid focused, and survival focused, and day to day focused you've lost a lot of yourself, including your confidence and the ability to see possibility and positives. When you're feeling kinda empty and lost like this take it down to DB basics. GAL and 180s. What can you do for yourself? What can you do to change things in your life for you?