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And D, we love you, but you yourself have admitted that you let your (likely mentally ill or addicted) exW take a terribly unfair deal in the divorce, how is that more moral?
I let her? Really? Two financial planners and her lawyer could not stop her. She crafted the terms. I specifically told her to gut me like a fish. She was entitled to half of everything. My goodness she signed so many waivers.
As for moral, I didn’t stand in her way. I didn’t twist anything. I presented the financial information clearly. My pension clearly. Her half clearly. I certainly did not block her way or go against her wishes and purposefully prolonged things. She set the pace.
Mostly, my finesse of negotiating was to just STFU. She had half of everything. She threw it and her kids away. I caught them.
In my locale there is a mandatory one year cooldown / waiting period after separation before one can file for divorce. XW filed. Not me. It was a complete surprise to me. She demanded the already imposed terms. She again demanded herself no custody of the kids and no responsibility. She paid the legal fees. With the cooldown time passed, everything went before a judge. All without needing my signature. I was basically served a divorce notice. The divorce was ruled and passed six months later.
I didn’t let her. And I legally could not stop her. You remember how she demanded to have adultery charges filed against herself? That, is one thing I purposefully had removed from the agreement. I didn’t tell her. And she wasn’t happy when that tidbit came to light.
I inquired if I could contest my divorce. An odd inquiry for sure given the splitting of assets. I could not. Here, it is no fault divorce. One cannot contest or stop the process. Especially when they have nothing to do work with. It’s not like I would demand I don’t want the kids, make them wards of the state.
The divorce itself is unstoppable and incontestable. Soon to be ex couples can only squabble over things - money and kids. The uncoupling / divorce is not something either let’s happen. It only takes one to pay for it. Society is frighteningly efficient at progressing the legalities of ending relationships.
The immoral I was speaking of, is knowingly willfully purposefully delaying to place a financial squeeze upon a spouse to get more than a fair share. If the WAS is leaving an abusive R, and they have a fair deal, sticking around is only dragging themselves down. Abusing the abuser might feel good, yet it isn’t moral.
The ends do not justify the means.
The few steps I had in my divorce process, I took with my values intact. One doesn’t achieve a true positive outcome if they take shady steps along the way.
I truly do not wish nor hold out for karma upon anyone. Fate, God, the universe, will do what it will. I respect people’s right to choose. My XW, and OM, I respect their choice and free will. I can illustrate my perceived shortcomings regarding certain choices. Yet, in the end, each person has to live with themselves. We all colour our soul with the choices we make; with what we stand for, and with what we remain silent upon.
My life is gentle and peaceful. When I listen I can hear the divine. It matters not if others do not believe me, or in me. For God does.
