Obviously, your health comes first. I would highly suggest finding things that occupy your mind. Hobbies, projects, other things you can engage in that will break the monotony of sitting around and dwelling on your situation.

As far as your previous marriages, I feel like cheating is a dealbreaker for most people. However, when faced with their spouse cheating, many hedge on that being a dealbreaker. So I give you a lot of credit, for someone that has admitted to being a bit of a doormat in the past, that you stood up for yourself and walked away from your previous marriages due to infidelity being a dealbreaker shows you can do that.

Cathy, my W and I were also IHS. IHS is rough, no question. I know you have mentioned it a few times. One thing to keep in mind is that we've seen many LBSs here that felt IHS was too difficult and pushed for physical separation, only to realize they disliked being separated physically even more! For full disclosure, it did help some be able to move forward and more easily emotionally detach. But for a lot it falls into the category of "be careful what you wish for." Many after separation end up fixated on wondering what their WAS is doing and whom they are doing it with.

Just something to think about.