She got quiet for an hour. I said I was feeling vulnerable about my acrophobia, and asked what was up. She said, "Imprecision". She'd have to see if we could actually mesh over the next couple of months. She was too tired to talk now.
CW, it may be the scales falling from my eyes in my own sitch with emotional blackmail, but I really don't think this is OK.
Having a constructive conversation about her needs 'I need to feel safe in my relationships and when you lose your ID or drive over the yellow line it leaves me with a sense that you are not in control' is one thing. But to go quiet, cite something as broad as 'imprecision' (I mean who really wants to live a perfectly precise life anyway?), then hold a trial period over your head and be too tired to process something like that bomb with you are just not the markers for a healthy relationship.
Originally Posted by CWarrior
Monday, she was ready to talk about my lost ID.
Fine. But how did you feel in the interim? Self-conscious? Judged? Or totally OK?
Originally Posted by CWarrior
She apologized 2-3x for how she phrased things when she was tired--the relationship was more good than bad, and you do evaluate 2mo, 6mo into a relationship to see where it's going and what adjustments are needed.
Processing and evaluating the R at the 2- or 6- month mark is normal. But it usually doesn't include things like 'you're disorganized and sloppy. Please fix that or I am out' because you either accept someone for who they are, or you move on. I read that this R will include constantly moving goalposts for you. Which I kind of think you may like in some arenas of your life such as aiming for your physical goals. If this is your kink, more power to you. But it doesn't look like the makings of a healthy R from the cheap seats.
Originally Posted by CWarrior
No decisions need to be made now. It was a weekend.
Yes, but please re-read your story with Ms Sunshine. There is a reoccurring theme that goes way beyond this weekend and it is not in your longterm favor.
Also, I would like to gently point out that you often forgive the moment in anticipation of the future. In a 'this moment is pretty sh!tty... but oh, look! The sparkle of the holidays is ahead, surely that will be better!' sort of way. It is kind of a form of self-gaslighting really. Do you really want it that much that you are willing to ignore your own common sense?
Hugs CW. This is hard stuff to see when we have our blinders on.
