Chaz,

Yes porn is an excellent example of an issue that would be too hard to discuss in a marriage filled with avoidance. It's so embarrassing that my X use to blame our sons when I would see that someone had been on a porn site on the family computer. Those poor boys insisted that they weren't doing it but they got punished anyway because their Dad was they only other person in the house and he certainly wasn't going on those sites!!

I've been thinking lately about something my mother said recently. My Mother and Father were married for 30 years, divorced and then remarried. My Mother was the left behind when my Dad went off the deep end with a younger women and booze.

There are three kids in our family. My brother is the oldest was left behind by his wife of 34 years, my sister is next was left behind by her husband of 33 years, and them my I was left behind by my husband after 25 years.

My Mom was talking about thinking she had done something wrong in the way she raised us that caused us all to have these marriage problems. At the time, I told her it had nothing to do with her but lately I'm thinking that she did.

I think the example she and my Dad gave of not communicating effected us. It's what we knew, it's what we did in our own marriages.

Gigi