Thanks. They didn't like that I filed the grievance so they started giving me the worst hours during the days I'm not available. Typical and why I didn't want to open that can of worms again. I've also been applying for other jobs with no luck. I ended up getting a doctor's note with scheduling restrictions, dropped it off Thursday. We'll see. They should respect it since I have multiple medical conditions. I'm jut hoping I will be able to do the job without pain. Stress isn't helping. I've been battling a pinched nerve or something on my neck for the past month, sending shooting pains and muscle spasms down my arm.
Me stressing about work isn't helping the relationship either. I can see how he's trying to avoid the topic but has been able to comfort me a couple times when I told him I didn't want to disappoint him if I didn't get this squared away. He said I won't disappoint him and everything will be ok. He sees that I'm trying I guess. I just wish the stress of the divorce wasn't on top of it. He ended up moving to another room the night of my birthday. To get better sleep he said, but man, what perfect timing. That's when his new mattress and bedding got delivered. Everything else is normal, even though he refused me birthday sex. He had a busy day, but still. I was in agony on his birthday and didn't turn him down.
Just got home from dinner with D19. So awesome! And she even asked me to go! I love that girl so much!
The 4th was fun. Hung out with the gang and watched fireworks from one of their backyards. Caught H staring at me again. It was just like old times. Then he goes to a concert with the possible OT the next night. They were given tixs, or were they. Made me sad.
But that same day we were having morning coffee and he asked me if there were anything things that needed to be done around the house that he could help with. I almost fell over, I didn’t even know what to say. Just dumbfounded. I couldn’t think of anything to tell him although there are SO many things! So today I asked him if he could take on getting rid of some of the old furniture in the house we need to get rid of and he said okay! We’ll see what happens typically he won’t follow through on stuff like that. Trust that he will and don’t bring it up again?
One week until we leave for vacation. I’m starting to stress because usually I’ve got a lot more put together than I do right now. I’ve decided I’m going to just go and suck up as much fun and awesomeness as I can. If H’s B and SIL are a pain I’m just going to let it slide. Although I know H will complain to me about it. I just need to keep telling myself this and make it happen.
I had an interesting chat with the nurse practitioner that I have been seeing and she’s prescribed me meds to help me sleep. Had a follow up and she asked me how things were going, as she’s knows what’s going on. She asked how IT was going and I said well she listens. She’s like well I don’t know much about this stuff but it sounds like you need more of a coach to help you navigate this. So I’m going to look into that. Does this group still do that or any recommendations? She also told me to message her anytime I needed to, even to vent. So sweet.
I’m also reading the Empowered Wife. Anyone have a take on that book and its ideas?
It was great to pop in on here and to see your wonderful update! I am so happy for you! It’s been some time since you posted so I hope that life (and love!) is still moving in a positive direction for you! Congratulations on all your hard work! Even if that relationship didn’t work out, you have still won by becoming the woman you are now!
It’s been about two years since my last update. I’ve had some ups and downs since then but right now I am in a really good place.
Something downright wonderful happened recently. I attended a family wedding for a member of his family. It was the first time I’ve seen him in many years…over two for sure, if not longer. And certainly the first time I had been in his new wife’s presence. When they arrived to the venue (he and his AP now wife), I walked up to him and said hello. When I reached him she wasn’t next to him, so he and I spoke for a moment. Just friendly small talk. I felt nothing for him. In fact, he looked awful and it was almost like I was talking to a stranger or something. After some short small talk he walked away and I walked up to his wife who was facing away from me. I tapped her on her arm and when she turned around there was shock in her face when she realized it was me. I said hello, my name and then told her to enjoy the wedding. I also made her shake my hand which she did dumbfounded. I then walked away. Not with malice. Not passive aggressive. Just calm and with grace.
During the reception, I noticed them glance my way a couple of times. But honestly I just enjoyed myself and the family members I’ve missed so much. I stopped paying attention. Everyone showed me so much love and I felt wonderful. I looked beautiful (I’ve built back up my health and I’ve lost weight and I feel happier than I’ve been in a long time). At some point I thought they had left as I hadn’t noticed them as I made my rounds. But later they showed up so they were still there. Lurking somewhere off to the side. If they had been watching me, they saw grace, poise, love and detachment from them. And full acceptance and love from his family.
I am so proud of myself for getting to this point where I no longer want him or anything he offers back. I don’t feel hate and any drama would not accomplish anything, so I have not caused them any issues. And I don’t feel the need to experience that energy. I’d rather Karma do its thing and remain with more powerful and positive emotions for myself. I have gone on a few dates, but so far haven’t met anyone yet, but I am ready for that and looking forward. I was laid off this year, so finding a job is an higher priority than dating, but I’m open to meeting someone IRL, I just am not on the dating apps at the moment. Anyway, I thought those that have been part of my journey would love an update. Thank you all for everything!
