sometimes Mach that heavy sigh is because I can't reach through the phone with my magic wand, wave it over you and make it all better.
other times the heavy sigh is because I can feel how much it hurts, and I hate that the only way for you to heal is to literally walk through the valley of the shadow of death, and all I can do is just sit on the other end of the line and hold space for you and frankly - some days that doesn't seem like nearly enough.
never is the sigh because i'm sick of being there for my friend.
W and I both worked from home today. Son had 1/2 day of school. He just went to the neighbors. W told me she told him when he gets back, if we want, we can go out to dinner. Or if we don't, she can go pick something up. I just said 'ok'.
Nothing new to report. Again, we both went to a mutual friends party on Monday (drove separately). We didn't speak much, but did chat about our son (who was also there). She also mentioned that her student loan ($170,000) is going to be forgiven in 2 years (she works for a non profit, community based company). In a moment of weakness (or 'buzzness' after a few), I said something along the lines of 'that's great. I also heard that we'd get over $80 grand profit for our house. As tough as it's been for us financially, if we would have stayed together in 2 years we'd be like the Rockefellers'. She just said something like 'yeah true, but there's more problems than just money'.
We haven't talked much the last 2 days. I've said nothing unless it involves our son. I still haven't been served papers yet.
Good job. Remember, only respond to direct questions with the shortest answer possible. Yes or no questions get yes or no answers. Texts with no question require no response.
Yesterday afternoon W sent me a picture of a funny meme. No text or anything else.
Temperature check? Hoping I will respond with a smile and relieve her guilt? I did not respond at all as I felt like there was no way to do so without denying our current reality as she seems to be doing.
I think at best you’re plan B as she searches for OM2. I know it sounds harsh but that’s the reality of it. What’s the plan moving forward as far as IC/MC is concerned? The affair can not be swept under the rug. For you to have a successful relationship you have to see each other as people of value. Not a consolation prize until your son is of age.
Keep GAL like a mad man and really start to think if this is what you want moving forward.
I don't think she is looking for an OM2 right now. She will probably continue with me until she has found enough excuses to defect once again. And at that point, she might look for an OM2. I am planning to bring up IC/MC issue next week.
I am GAL'ing to my satisfaction. But I have not started thinking about what I should be doing about the MR in the future. Been putting it off because it is a tough subject.
We've seen this reluctancy in truly recommitting back to the marriage after an affair before from WASs. Almost always they are biding their time until the OP has a change of heart, or OM2 comes along. WW in particular have a way of attracting no end of losers. It's a sad reality whether she's actively on the prowl or not.
The good news is that none of it matters. You just keep DBing. Focus completely off of her. Look up "self differentiation in marriage". That's your new normal.
When it comes to WWs they have no shortage of reasons to end a marriage. As for actively seeking OM2 you would be surprised on how calculating a WW can be when they want out. For this to workout long-term it has to be difficult and you have to be willing to make it difficult for her. If not at best you are kicking the can down the road. It’s very difficult to turn around a WW without them hitting rock bottom first. Read Terrapins thread for good insight on bomb number 2.
I think at best you’re plan B as she searches for OM2. I know it sounds harsh but that’s the reality of it. What’s the plan moving forward as far as IC/MC is concerned? The affair can not be swept under the rug. For you to have a successful relationship you have to see each other as people of value. Not a consolation prize until your son is of age.
Keep GAL like a mad man and really start to think if this is what you want moving forward.
I don't think she is looking for an OM2 right now. She will probably continue with me until she has found enough excuses to defect once again. And at that point, she might look for an OM2. I am planning to bring up IC/MC issue next week.
I am GAL'ing to my satisfaction. But I have not started thinking about what I should be doing about the MR in the future. Been putting it off because it is a tough subject.
Thanks for the input everyone. I appreciate having this resource to consult before taking any action with respect to the marriage. I will let it go while she is in town and not allow my subconscious to contrive any ways to initiate contact.
D, not as many fish as in years past but enough for an excellent dinner.
