Um, I know why. She has been complaining about a lack of sex, and I've said it won't happen until there is respect and a connection.
Ok so you want the marriage more than her so unfortunately she is in control. You should have conceded and gave her the sex she was asking for and initiated. The beauty of it all is men typically connect more with their W through having sex. Eventually you both may have been satisfied.
Originally Posted by Josh_T
We were going to hit the subject head on in couples counselling, and even discuss past fears in relationships.
Josh this all sounds great if she is interested in doing this but lets face it she doesn't and it's not sexy. She just wants to get laid and feel desired and sexy.
Originally Posted by Josh_T
It was going to be a very confronting. I genuinely think her ego does not allow her to face her shortcomings.
Welcome to the club Josh. She thinks its you and you think it's her. Guess what? She wins because she doesn't want to address her issues and will D you and move on to someone else.
Originally Posted by Josh_T
Maybe it was a co-incidence, I don't know. But thinking over the years of the games, blame, re-framing, gaslighting when there is a conversation about her attitude, the timing does make me wonder.
What's the prize here Josh? She has told you 3 times now you are not good enough.
Originally Posted by Josh_T
What to others think? A few replies back, someone said I'd just create a caged animal full of resentment if I block. Another says embrace the divorce, which means I accept selling with gusto. Lastly, would it seem manipulative if I said selling is not in the best interest of the kids? Which it is not, it will disrupt their lives.
Why would that be manipulative if true? It sounds like you can't afford to keep it so I would sell it ASAP.
Originally Posted by Josh_T
Partly because I'm not interested for emotional reasons, partly because she insists 100% of the time I must initiate which I don't do very often, partly due to sexual disfunction which was since solved, and partly because I'm tired of her criticizing me after every sexual encounter that something was wrong, or not good enough.
That sounds awful Josh. Did you ever try to improve?
Originally Posted by Josh_T
We only learned this recently, but we have a classic pursuer/distancer relationship. My contribution to this is the distancer. We have a habit of a negative destructive behaviors that always seem to manifest. At the end of the day, I don't think we ever had a deep connection since we both can agree the issues started from the day we moved in together. She started getting assertive about how everything has to be her way, challenging it was constant effort and arguments. I didn't have the strength to enforce boundaries. I eventually stopped arguing and withdrew as the Nice Guy. That's the 10K ft view.
Ok you have diagnosed the problem. She is not interested in fixing the problem and wants a D. You can fight it and drag it out as long as possible while she builds more resentment or you can speed up the process and set your caged animal into the wild and go and find a nice woman who you can build a great relationship with moving forward. Your choice.
