But together we pushed each other to be successful, he would not be in the position he is in right now without me. He has chosen his path and my life should not be finacially ruined because he is a idiot.
No, you shouldn't and a good lawyer will help make sure this is so.
Originally Posted by Stella20
Sorry thinking about our finacials makes me really angry. This was built on years of planning and saving. Not to sound full of myself, but he would have never gotten anywhere near all of this if he didn't have me in his corner. I will not walk away from what I worked so hard to build for 21 years. We just got to this spot last December...just in time for him to destroy it.
Reason number 105 why you need to get a really good lawyer.
Originally Posted by Stella20
I don't care about anything else in the house, its just stuff. But he thinks by saying he does not want anything that it should count as assets for me.
I got this one too. He valued our furniture and household items at 3x what they were worth. I made a spreadsheet of each room's items and had a column for the price we paid for it and a column for what it would sell for on Craigslist or a garage sale. And I offered for him to take half of it, which he declined. I don't think OW will want anything that has my scent on it. (Relatedly: my children think I smell heavenly; they steal my shirts and clothes to sleep in when at their dad's. I can only imagine them stuffing their sweet little faces into a sofa and saying 'mmmm, this smells JUST like mommy!')
Originally Posted by Stella20
I am so sick of all of this, so sick of hurting, being angry, crying, raging....thinking. I want my easy laid back self back, my life. I did not break my vows, my promises, I did nothing wrong.
You didn't do anything wrong. Nothing justifies cheating.
I cried today at the injustice of my situation in my therapy appointment today, the first time in a long while. My therapist even got teary. I am a good person, a good wife, a great mother, a supportive and savvy business partner and a loyal friend and partner. I didn't deserve this. Neither do you, sweet Stella.
But, it is not about me. Or you. It is about our exes and their unresolved traumas. Detachment is a glorious eden, but it takes a while to get there. In the meantime, rage, cry, feel ALL the feelings and dust yourself off and do it all again. Eventually the pain won't be so sharp. You will realize you didn't cry for an entire day. And then a week. And one day you will find:
The time will come when, with elation, you will greet yourself arriving at your own door, in your own mirror, and each will smile at the other's welcome, and say, sit here. Eat. You will love again the stranger who was your self. Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all you life, whom you ignored for another, who knows you by heart. Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes, peel your own image from the mirror. Sit. Feast on your life.
(Derek Walcott, Love after Love)
I'm not there yet myself, but I caught a glimpse of her in the mirror. She hasn't stayed long enough to invite in for supper, but I saw her. You will too.
