I'm sorry I haven't had the time to read your whole thread, but I think I have the gist of the grief your xh is throwing your way. First, I don't think you're being defensive in any way, nor overprotective. The things your xh says to your son is pretty nasty and quite honestly I wouldn't want to have your kids spend an extended amount of time with him in CA. OTOH, at least if he were in the same vicinity at the time of the visits, I could understand them being with him. I don't trust the guy's actions especially at such a distance with the kids.
Is there anyway, and forgive me if I've missed this possibly happening in my hasty reading, but is there anyway your kids can speak to the judge about being required to go to CA with your h? There are cases where kids have "ruled" where they go and at 14 and 15 they seem old enough to not be uprooted. Especially with you son and his sports, can't he use that as reasons not to go?
Laughing, I feel for you and all that you've been enduring of late. I wish I had the magic answer, but hopefully your lawyer can figure out the next step.
Just read a few posts. Some very thought-provoking statements were made that had me reflect on my own sitch.
For the record, I think you have remained more level-headed, even-keeled, non-resentful and certainly good-natured through all of this mess XH has caused. You have gone through so much crap and you still keep rising above it, getting stronger.
And, you still remain on this bb to support and encourage those of us who desperately look forward to hearing from you on on our posts.
Bravo, Laughing.
Not too many of us would keep standing through this legal garbage you keep getting thrown your way. You have been a role model for me, Laughing.
So many of you tell me "good job" or "way to go" when it comes to dusting myself off (as Wishing used to say) and getting back on my feet. You have helped me do that.
Take it easy, Laughing. You are a wonderful mom and person who always manages to do the right thing.
Listen to kml. She is right about the trend in alienation claims and that you need to be very well-informed and careful about this. Do talk to your L. In the meantime I'm also interested to know why the kids can't talk to the judge themselves, though maybe it's as you thought many posts ago -- that the judge is using this as a "test" period and will ask to talk w/ the kids next time. In which case a bad time w/ H might work to your advantage.
On the day the kids are to be picked up, xh has SRS (yup, Social Services) do a welfare check on the kids, for he "knows" they are neglected, physically abused, live in a filthy house with too many animals, along with the feces, etc, etc.
The kids are pulled out of the last class of the day individulally, (yup, only a few hours before they are going to be picked up by his wife) escorted to the counselor's office, and introduced to two strangers who tell them they are from SRS.
These two ladies tell them their father called and said he was very concerned about their well being. They were asked if what kind of meals I cook, whether I am at home with them for any length of time, what condition our home is in, if I've hit them, if we fight (my son responded to this one: "I'm 15 years old, I thought it was normal for me to fight with my mother.")
If a dog has pooped in the house, if so, how long would it stay there, (both kids said it's been years, but we've had puppies, and yes, before they are completely house trained a pup would have accidents, but it's cleaned up right away, then they were asked who picked it up, they both said "MOM", but every once in a while one of us will help. SRS had their questions answered, then showed up here to have a look around and left.
Days earlier xh called and said he hadn't heard from the kids in two days, he was going to call the Sheriff if they didn't call him back. This from a man who has gone weeks without giving them a call. Earlier on "Pick up" day, he called and left a message "Make sure you have them there on time!" as if he wasn't an hour late for his drop off the previous Sunday.
Yes, he is making a case to take the children from me... I see this and am aware of the signs. The SRS only further caused both kids to stress out too, as I know this was xh's plan too.
After school there's a little over an hour to get the kids ready. They run through the house to gather the stuff they want to pack, along with their clothes. Soon the time approaces, and we take that now short drive to town. I ask for a civilian escort from the police station and meet xh's wife. S gets out while the wife jumps out to ask if she could help, then backs up back into her car, AS IF, I would say a thing to her.... but the "act" looks good. D starts to say "I don't want to go, I can't go!" I grit my lower jaw and start to pray. S packs his stuff into the van, D is still sitting in the car. The officer comes over and asks if she is supposed to go, I said yes, and then he looks to me to do something and I just look right back at him waiting for his next word.... D says "I don't want to go." He asks her "What did you say?" D replies "I don't want to go." He says "you have to, it's court ordered." He again looks at me, as I sit silently. He asks her "Why don't you want to go?" "I don't want to go, I don't feel comfortable with going with her." "Why", he asks "Because she makes me uncomfortable, I don't feel safe." Then he looked at me, and I said "I'm not going to push her, I'm not going to pull her out, it would be abuse for me to pull her out of there, and the last thing I will do is hurt my daughter." The officer then said to D, "So, you don't want to go." She said "No." then he asked for my license and said he had to file a report. I gave him my license and answered his questions. When he was done, he said, okay, there's no reason for you to stay, so enjoy your evening.
Of course, by morning, xh's attorney called my attorney and told him I sped off with D in the car. I told my attorney that I did nothing of the sort. He said he couldn't protect me, they are going to file for contempt. I said I realize that, but what was I suppose to do? He then told me he wasn't going to keep my case, and I told him to do what he thought he needed to do.
I'm sure the story xh's attorney was a good one, for she has a way of giving xh's statements a supercharge by the time they come across the airwaves. She told my last attorney that she knew I had friends at the police station and the reason she'd be able to discount any report they had issued. But this I just found out recently.... hindsight is a great thing.
The next morning, xh started emailing me, which led to him divulging the reason he sent the SRS after me.... which was due to my involvement with his wife's former MIL, when I gave her his address and phone number. Yup, he actually confesses this in an email!
Also, I know xh's wife used the SRS too, which played out in court just last month, claiming not only physical, but sexual abuse against her xh2, father of her youngest child. It was thrown out... Of course, she is in a different county a couple of hours away.
Anyway, that night, D starts to worry that I will get in trouble, I told her no, not to worry, although she may have to talk to the judge. She said she would, she wanted to.... so then she begins to relax and in a couple of hours, she is hungry, makes a plate of mixed vegies and fruit with yogurt and peanut butter sides, along with a couple of hard boiled eggs, and we both sit and share a quiet dinner. She ate well, then went to be and slept for 12 hours straight.
The next morning, we go to parent teachers conference. The moment the counselor sees D, he sees that she is smiling for the first time in nearly 2 weeks, (his words)and they chat, he seems pleased she looks so good. Each teacher we meet with say basically the same thing to her.
We leave, have a chicken wrap, side salad and drink at McDonalds, do a little shopping and then she asks for an peanut butter cup ice cream, so we stop at Braums. She had a Dr. appt for her sinuses, and that's we head next. She stepped on that scale and I held my breath, she weighed 100 lbs, fully dressed with a hoodie wrapped around her waist.
The Dr. said she looks good, usual KS spring allergies, updated her prescriptions, then quietly asked me about her weight, I said she's had a stressful week, and I'd give him a call on Monday to fill him in, but added she's beginning to do better since last night. He shook his head, told me to keep my chin up and I'm doing a good job.... ya, I wish, I thought.
So, that's it for now, except D is doing better. She has been nibbling all day, with pretty good meals, albeit on the light side, but I can tell she's getting more of what she needs. She's been helping with stuff around here as we make plans for the week.
Take care, God Bless
Love,
Laughing
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
This is one of the most suck a*s situations. What is with your children's father? Has he flipped? Why would he be so interested in all of the fuss and aggravation that he is taking his kids , himself and you through? Is it worth that much to him to try to hurt you?
HOW SICK! I am sorry but that it sick. I feel for the kids and you. But, he and his current wife will reap every bit of what they sow,do do not fear that. Okay? Not in our time, but in God's time.
What can you do for yourself to make YOU feel better today?
I am not sure what else to say but I will say this. You are better than this, have nothing to fear.
I am so sorry for this latest attack. Your xh is truly a sick man.It sounds like your d is starting to eat again. I am so relieved and the doctor gave her a clean bill of health. I am not sure why your L chose not to represent you anymore. But I guess there are reasons we don't know yet.
I wish I could offer you more than my prayers and support.
Laughing, I'm very sorry that this has happened. I predicted a while back that he would be going to all lengths for full custody. I had hoped that I would be wrong. The only thing I can tell you is to document each and every communication you have w/him and that wife of his. They are two very vindictive, evil people.
As for the children, they are going to be given an opportunity very soon to say what is on their mind to a judge. I do think the judge wanted to see how all of this would play out and now it has. I suspect that what these two sick people want is to keep all of the money for themselves and the only way to do that is to go for full custody. You see, in your xh's mind, you are spending what money he gives to you on yourself, not on the kids. He doesn't realize what it takes to feed, clothe and educate children these days, nor does he really care. It's all about the money. He's not worried about bonding w/his children, I'm sorry to say. If he were, he would be attempting to make things easier and meet you half way.
As for the SRS, at least it's behind you. Of course, if you were a vindictive person, you could pull the same on him, but I know you aren't. He's using every angle he can to screw you over. Protect yourself and your children. These two individuals concern me deeply for their desire to destroy you is very evident.
I'm glad to read that your daughter is eating and is smiling again. The environment has been very stressful for her. I hope that she can find an outlet for her stress.
What about you? How are you holding up under all of this nonsense? Please find a way to relax a bit. It's going to get worse before it gets better. Remember, document everything.
I hope today is a quiet one for you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
