BI, Just thinking of you. Sorry you had a bad night. I am waiting for your upward swing. You are a very strong person and a lot of people look upto you around here. Keep your chin up.
Ben
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
I spent some time reading your blog. Here's the message I got.
I think it's time you give back your H's passwords, and let him know you trust him completely again. You'll always have some fears, but it's completely up to you to make the decision to trust. Sounds like your H has never been told he's a man, and a damn fine man at that. I sense he has'nt heard those words in a VERY long time if ever from you.
You want him to love you, to desire you, to relish you. I know the feeling, but it's just not happening right now. So we CAN go out and find that immediate gratification in the arms of someone else, but what will we have accomplished? And what weakness is it in US that would even contemplate such a step? I don't believe in allowing ourselves to be doormats, but we are called to the most difficult of tasks, to deeply love someone who can't love us in return. It's vomit inducing, but it's our calling right now. Let's hang in there and see it through to the glory.
God Bless,
COG
PS My experience with 3 years of C was mixed. I found that the longer I went, the more frustrated the C became, and the more drastic their recommendations. I/we went to two different ones, and I went to 3 or 4. When it reached a point that I would enter a session feeling good, and leave feeling bad then I quit going altogether. They can really stir up the S??t sometimes.
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
BI; Just checking in, how you doing? Havn't reviewed, but you had mentioned something about MRIs. I can imagine neck pain after what you have been through.
Just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you.
81388 Me 43, waw 44, 3 kids(D15,D12,S6)Married 19yr, together 27yr. Bomb 11/27/06, Separated 3/1/07 Divorce filed 4/18/07,
"Because it is in giving that we receive; In forgiving that we obtain forgiveness; In dying that we rise to eternal life" St. Francis
BI, I to, think you should let your H know that you want to trust him again. Tell him to change his passwords and release that part of your relationship. I had the same problem, - which was snooping. Every time H left his phone where I could see it I would look at it and all the past calls and tm he sent and received. As soon as I made the sound effort to stop doing this, it released me from that bitterness, and made ME feel better. In doing that I treated him better. I am not saying its easy, in fact there are times when I think to myself – oh let me just look he won’t know – but I WILL know and the Lord will know that I looked, as when I made that decision I decided to give that demon to the Lord, and He is blessing me everyday. I know its hard to trust again, but we can do anything through the Lord. Another thing I wanted to ask, with your H out of work, it must be a huge blow to his manhood. Is there no way that he can just do anything for a while just to get out the house?
BI, How are you doing....By the way (I know you already know this) snooping does you no good. I agree, have him change his passwords, and let him know that you are trying your hardest to trust him again.
Anyway I was just stopping by to see how you were feeling today...
Take care, Ben
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
Thanks so much for coming to sit on my curb for a while. Ya'll know how nice it is to be thought of here and I appreciate each of you.
COG, thanks for taking the time to 'blog up' on me and give me feedback about it - was well-needed, and I think you are right. (alert the media, I am conceeding a point. may not happen again in this lifetime!)
soreheart, you are spot-on about the unemployed/manhood issue. HUGE. BIG. can't see a way around it. He does go to the gym almost every day, which is a big help in the not-losing-his-mind department. But circumstances need to move there for him to climb back mentally. Sadly enough, here is all this FREE TIME in his world to WORK ON HIS MARRIAGE but he can't. I worry that when he is once again in a job that he will throw everything into the j-o-b, just like always, and find his validation there, spend all his free time there, and have the perfect excuse again not to work on the M b/c he's BUSY.
Fears, fears, everywhere. That one is my biggie. Well, you know, other than never having sex again. Also a possibility.
Must sleep. (yawn!)
Smooches to all my manly friends for sitting on the curb here and holding my hand. So thankful.
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
(((hugs))) for you BI, my smart, sassy, compassionate friend.
I wish I could wave a wand and make all the fear disappear for you. But I CAN tell you that you are a force of nature. You are a strong woman, more powerful than any fear that stands in your path. I hope you can see that someday. It's hard to find, but so worth the search.
Well, as an unemployed man, he's a depressed mess. Hopefully he can find a job that doesn't require him to travel so much. I think a job will be a big improvement, hopefully, this time he won't make it an idol.
If he finds his validation in his relationship with you, you'll both suffocate.
Unless he finds his validation in Christ, he'll be miserable.
