3 strikes, am I out?

[whatisis]

WCW was right, one must have to be able to emotionally handle the end before invoking it. I feel myself growing closer to it emotionally, not closing doors on any turn arounds, but not as frazzled by thinking about the end. The other perspective is that the end is not always the end, it is another place to DB from. I'm in a better place tonight. When I think about it, who is in a better place, me or that OW b!tch? I live with my W, I share two beautiful children with her, I can show caring and love anytime I choose, I don't have to run my life trying to read her mind and service her slightest whim. Who goes dancing with his W weekly? NOT HER! I'm not the one sitting alone in my parents basement waiting for a phone call. Who's better off, I ask? ...Oh hell, maybe I'll go to her workplace and out her anyway. I'll call it a new GAL activity .

[whatisis]

Shared a work situation with W tonight, I haven't done that in ages. I stopped because she wasn't interested and made that very clear. I thought I'd try again, see where it went. She actually opened things by telling me about someone we both used to work with who has found a new job. I shared a difficult situation I was dealing with that involved a manager and a fellow worker. She began with a verbal attack on unionized environments (not that she manages in one!) and I let that go (she knows I am very committed to my union, and in fact gave up a union position when she went back to school). What I find interesting during this, and I've noticed it before, is that she can't let go of being the "manager" for a minute. Firstly, it wasn't a union versus management issue, it was a human relations issue which I got stuck in the middle of. But whenever a work situation arises and I share it she goes right into "manager" mode. She defends the management person or spells out the management persons possible feelings or motives etc. She can't be just a person. In this discussion she went right to all the practical steps that could be taken blah blah blah! Now, I did thank her for the ideas but in hindsight it would have been nice to hear "Wow, that must have been pretty hard for you to be in the middle of all that" NOPE. There was no connecting with my feelings on this although I expressed them. It's all the Manager. Now, I am happy that we at least exchanged some conversation, she didn't shut me out like in the past, she gave me some practical info (OK, I'm a guy and I'm OK with it!) but it was all so impersonal, fact centred, problem fixing! Geez, she could be a guy! I should love this woman Later she grabbed her work stuff but rather than heading upstairs she sat down in the dining room, which is visually adjacent to the living room where I was. Did that connection make that happen? I dunno but I better get back there and enjoy it. Later DBers.

[whatisis]

Here's a laugh! Tomorrow I'm taking a counselling course titled "Marriage and Family Counselling". Maybe I can be the case study! Ha Ha Ha

[12102006]

Hey Whatis

Maybe you should propose your sitch as a possible learning
tool for the course...it wouldn't hurt, you know. Did you
ever take the SBT classes?

[whatisis]

1210, This is so strange, I was just thinking of you this morning. Wow! Yes, I did take the basic Solution Focused class, this is a second module around family and couples counselling.
Today we analyzed the Banks family from Mary Poppins...honest!

[WCW]

WCW was right,

Thank you, I love it when someone feeds my ego. PMA up!!!

one must have to be able to emotionally handle the end before invoking it. I feel myself growing closer to it emotionally, not closing doors on any turn arounds, but not as frazzled by thinking about the end. The other perspective is that the end is not always the end, it is another place to DB from.

whatisis, you've been here a long time too. Emotions go up and down and change back and forth. Overall, since you joined this BB all those months ago, what's been your feeling the majority of the time? How much has changed? how much have you 'let go'? Are there positives? are you focusing on them?

I'm in a better place tonight. When I think about it, who is in a better place, me or that OW b!tch? I live with my W, I share two beautiful children with her, I can show caring and love anytime I choose, I don't have to run my life trying to read her mind and service her slightest whim. Who goes dancing with his W weekly? NOT HER! I'm not the one sitting alone in my parents basement waiting for a phone call. Who's better off, I ask?

Good, good, good. Keep the focus.

Oh hell, maybe I'll go to her workplace and out her anyway. I'll call it a new GAL activity

Um, probably not a good idea based on my own experiences. But sometimes it just feels so damm good to let them know they're not getting away with what they think they are. But if you're looking for a new GAL activity, pop in on my thread in Hopefulness, not a lot of traffic there that inputs/feedbacks.

[whatisis]

WCW, one idea that my class sparked today was to ask what is it that is working in my R right now? How is it that my W and I are able to maintain our family unit in the pretty darn stable fashion we are? What are we doing right? When are we at our best together? These are our strengths as a couple. Despite all this sh!t we are still showing alot of strengths. Imagine what we could do if we actually built on those! Wow. There must be a Hell of alot of good stuff here otherwise we could be at each others throats continually, or totally isolated from each other or doing any number of really bad things, but we aren't. What are we doing to keep it together? Good questions to ponder. So your thoughts fit right into that mode of thinking. I must amplify the good, build on the strengths, keep doing what's working, stop doing what's not and do something different.
Tonight, I asked W how her work function went today and we talked briefly about it. That is now two days in a row we have connected in this way. Afterwards, she offered to drive D to dance class for me and offered to cook me a simple meal. Small things but, again, connecting events.
Thanks for your input, oh I almost forgot, WCW IS RIGHT!
P.S. outing the OW at her workplace was just humour...but running her down in my car...just kidding!!!!

[81388*]

Whatis;
Now I am stalking you.

I agree, I go back and forth between needing to do something, and thinking how is it that we are still trying.

W has not move out, she has not filed, we are still talking, she still asks for help, we still have many things in common.

Thanks for giving me even more to think about.

[whatisis]

I thought I'd pass on an interesting tidbit from my course yesterday. Apparently 2/3 of couples who come for counselling due to an A, stay together. So, I take from that, if you can get S to go for counselling your odds get better. Something to ponder.

[81388*]

Whatis, Do you think it is worth bringing up counciling, she has been against it every time I have tried, but I have not asked for quite awhile. It seems like asking now would be the opposite of validating. She has not said or done anything directly that could be interpreted as a change of position re: the D.

Your W has been the same way, hasn't she? No to all C attempts?