1210, Wife is from China. She has become the Soup Nazi in our home (well, she's alot nicer about it!)! She's cooking soups endlessly. Her culture basically uses everything whether it be parts of animals, insects, bark, leaves etc. Everything can be eaten or drank! There must be some truth to it as millions of people have been doing it in China for thousands of years and they are still the biggest pop. on the planet! It never ceases to amaze me how the Chinese can take almost every part of an animal and make it edible, for example, chicken's feet. Anyway, that's where W is from...the home of workaholism!
That is awesome...it really explains a lot to me. My nei- ghbor's are from China, good people, but they own a restau- rant and are workaholics as well.
I have a medical book on Chinese herbs and roots, half of them, I have never heard of - but, the Chinese are probably the most healthiest people in the world.
That is incredible - I bet she is a wealth of knowledge, it must be fascinating to talk with her. You know her culture is one of pride...thus, she probably won't ever admit to any wrong doing. How fascinating...really.
Lots of fires to put out in the Whatis household! I'll get to the last one. W spent 1.5 hours last night telling me about her issues at work. I listened, validated, DID NOT offer suggestions, DID NOT throw in "that's just like..."I stayed focused on what she was saying. Finally, at midnight, I excused myself to use the washroom (I had been holding off going, not wanting to interupt her) When I returned she said "You don't want to listen" and she left the room! I was stunned. How does one reply to such idiocy? She then returned and told me she had one more thing to say but it was very late. I said "Don't worry about it, I'll listen" She said "No" and walked away. End of convo. Let's see, I spent 1.5 hours listening and this is the thanks I get! What a f'ing maniac!!!! Previous to this, she had it out with oldest D re the usual stuff. I let it be (I had just returned from my class). When she came downstairs she said "Do you want to know what happened or is it just "one of those things" to you" Snark, Snark! She says nastily "Why don't YOU go and have one of your positive talks with her" I told her I would like to know what happened so we spent 15 min. on that. The night before I volunteered to take over dealing with youngest D's teacher because W was too worked up to deal with teacher (after W quoted school board homework guidelines to teacher in a note). So I'm sure in her eyes I am now the good parent and therefore she is bad, the calm dad and therefore she's the hysterical mom, and the good listening H and therefore she is the needy W. I have to accept that it is just a no win situation and just let go. Today, I will put this aside (or at least try to)and get my PMA up by finishing up Xmas shopping. She's out tonight with OP, a play or something, so maybe I'll have a night of peace, who knows!!!
Whatis, I am not skilled enough to offer advice on your sitch;however, I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you following along on the BB. I hope tonight goes better.
Thanks fs, there really is nothing to do or say. W is warming up for her annual bout of winter depression. That 's always a real joy to live with. She gets depressed every year until about March or April, when it lifts. She even plans around it, "I will take this course in the Fall because in January I usually feel like killing myself" Will she do anything about it? Not a chance! Maybe I should get her some AD's as a stocking stuffer
Sorry to see that you are having a difficult time brother but it seems like you are holding together pretty good. CM does not seem to be doing to well right now. You might want to drop by and give him somthing to cheer him up...
Later, O
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
I think the biggest thing for me about last night is that I actually feel violated in some way! I gave of myself to her for 1.5 hours and believe she felt listened to (at one point she said "Yes, THAT is exactly what I mean") and then she turns around and verbally slaps me in the face, and then walks off in a huff! I can't even take a piss without being considered disinterested. What kind of person is offended because someone goes for a pee!!!!I feel like I really did more than most guys in my position would have done (friends say I shouldn't listen to her at all until she dumps OP) and I don't even get the basic human courtesy of a "thanks for listening", for Gods sake! Next time I should just say "go bitch to OP, leave me the Hell out of it, the fringe benefits in this job suck!" I should just save myself the grief. I think I have a little more work to do in this letting go stuff OK, I've vented, now off to the bathroom, don't take it personally folks
Okay..."pure" listening didn't work...next time try to do some interjecting into the conversation...ask questions... like, how did that make you feel - why would that person say that - boy, that must have made you mad...
Try that...it sounds like she wanted some kind of feedback.
Maybe next time after holding up one finger...just ask her if it would be ok ? Once permission is granted... then maybe ask her if she would like to come along so that you could continue listening. (?)... Just a thought.
OK, I've vented, now off to the bathroom, don't take it personally folks 