HI, I was doing a search about Retrouvaille and your thread came up. I really hope you get to go in November, as you said you had to reschedule. I went to one weekend in January but my husband decided after one post-session that he did not need to go anymore. The weekend was helpful though-it gives a chance to bring up a lot of issues you might not otherwise get a chance to talk about. I know the program is basically the same no matter where you go(I live in RI and went in MA) so you will probably feel comforted when you hear different people's stories. I did. My cousin and her husband introduced me to Retrouvaille because they feel it saved their marriage and brought them back to the place they were when they first fell in love. I hope it works for you! However, your H will probably be asked if there is anyone else in his life and be told the program cannot work if there is. And from your post it looks like there is an OW. So maybe you are better off going in Nov and not now. Good Luck!
Lets see, how shall I play it? I will get something little and put it in his studio. Won't make a fuss of any kind. Let's see if he says anything.
You might remember this is also OW's birthday.
Yesterday, H was really stressed out and took it out on me. Later, he went out of his way(sought me out) to appologize several times.
That's a baby step.
He also mentioned that we were much more mature now and we could find better ways to circumvent the miscommunications that we have. Wow, I've been saying that for years now. When I would say that he would just say."No, we are just too different. We have different styles"(as if that explained why according to him, we can't EVER communicate).
So many baby steps.
Still sleeping in the studio though. I wonder if I am destined to lead a celibate life? sigh, that is just not me.
Hi Leighann,
Thanks for the info on Retrouvaille. When will they ask him whether there is an OW? Is it during the weekend or before?
For some reason, I just felt like November was better also.
Kanska: I hope you can receive at least baby staps on your anniversary today...!!... My anniversary was last june and it was a rare anniversary because his crisis... I am hoping the next will be better... YES
Quote: He also mentioned that we were much more mature now and we could find better ways to circumvent the miscommunications that we have. Wow, I've been saying that for years now. When I would say that he would just say."No, we are just too different. We have different styles"(as if that explained why according to him, we can't EVER communicate).
He doesn't remember where it came from, but sounds like he is starting to listen to the VOICES in his head ..
"He also mentioned that we were much more mature now and we could find better ways to circumvent the miscommunications that we have. Wow, I've been saying that for years now."
OK, so this was a LMAO for me! It was a most satisfying and fulfilling moment the first time I found out that one of the voices inside of my wife's head was MINE, and she didn't even realize it!!
Sometimes it take a lot of time for them to make some of this stuff "their idea", but what the hell, as long as their light bulbs go off every once in awhile, right!
I hope your day goes great for you!!
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
Well, our anniversary was fairly uneventful. H never mentioned it until after he thanked me for the 2 roses that I had set up in a vase in his studio. He then said he had wanted to try and catch me before I made dinner so that we could go out. He took us out for Ice cream instead in honor of our anniversary. It was nice.
I forgot to mention that Sunday AM for no reason at all H treated us all to brunch and he hates going out to brunch. It was his own idea; out of the blue. We all had a very nice time.
Steph:
Yes, I feel that way too, I sometimes just want to reach out and touch my H affectionately and then I have to stop myself. Hang in there. I will try to pop over to your thread soon. Thanks for visiting.
Andrea: I hope things are going better for you. Trust yourself! Did I see that you had a birthday? I hope it was a good one no matter what is going on with your H.
KAW:
Thanks for helping me to put it in perspective. You made me smile.
Jamesjohn: It’s always nice to hear from you. Between you and KAW, I really did have to laugh and see the humor in it. Thanks for adding some levity to my thread. How’s things with you these days?
Things are quiet here. It all just depends upon my attitude. I just about all the time, have a good attitude.
If I start collecting injustices regarding my H, it sends my PMA spireling downwards and my anger level sky high.
So I just keep interrupting any negative thought I have and replacing it with a pleasant thought and feeling.
It really does work. I'm getting to that time of the month where I really really have to work extra hard at this. H is pretty consistent. My attitude is pretty consistent also except it does get more challenging when I am PMSing. I caught myself "stewing" while I was in the shower and another time while I was driving.
H said he would be home for dinner last night then never showed.
I asked him, very nicely, thank you, if he might have some unconscious dislike of sitting around the dinner table with his family that he wasn't aware of. I wondered if there was any passive-aggression going on about being home at 6:00 when we eat dinner. He said he loves to be home to eat dinnner with the family and he would try to be more conscious of getting home on time.
I said are you sure that you have nothing going on about dinner because it happens so often and S so looks forward to you being home when you said you would. He appologized several times.
I have to balance my not saying anything to him with a little pressure valve release. I am learning to bring up issues with him in a way that HE doesn't feel defensive or threatened.
He is very sensitive and feels very threatened if I am not careful and don't get the tone and wording just right.
I did great last night. All's well. Now I've got to go interrupt some more of those pesky negative thoughts.
Hugs to all my fellow "Piecers" And hugs to all my friends from MLC or D that might come to visit.
Kansha, I found that when something came up that made me burn inside it was time to set another boundry. I would get extremely upset with him for acting the way he did and I new I had to deal with it so that it didnt happen again because if it was to happen again it wasnt acceptable behaviour and wourldnt be tolerated by me. Each time I had to set a boundry he never crossed it again. I was surprised. We are back together just over a year. It has been awhile since I have had to set a boundry life is good. Once in awhile I do get sad thoughts and it is usually because he is starting to backslide and not make our relationship most important. I am finding that is the hardest boundry to maintain because I guess it is a man thing. When I let him know what I need it comes my way. I guess if he wasnt going to come across and make this relationship fun loving exciting I would be the one having the next affair. Just my thoughts, Loretta
You are lucky that your H is responsive to your boundary setting.
I'm so glad that things are going well.
I think it is great that you are able to state what your needs are and that your H responds positively.
I'm still feeling my way here as far as that goes. My H isn't anywhere near where your H is but I think things are moving in the right direction. I have spent the last 3 years distancing and setting very few boundaries, basically ignoring my H. Now, I am trying to normalize things now that my H seems "sane" again.
We are scheduled to go to Retrouvaille first of November. I am hoping that the weekend will help in re-establishing a "full" relationship.
My H is still sleeping in another room. When I mentioned it this summer he got mad. So I've said nothing since.
I'll wait and see until after Retrouvaille. My H just isn't talking about anything remotely intimate or revealing.
How was it for you when you first started "piecing" your marriage back together?
