MLC over??

[wed2alien]

I don't know if anyone remembers me, I posted in the spring. H began replay 2.5 yrs ago, had OW, we almost divorced in May. Anyway now he is home and everything is different.

I'll try to link old posts:
Is this how it ends?

waiting for the other shoe to drop?
The seas are calming I think

Brief history:
M 21 yrs
Both 47
3 kids D12,s15, s16

2000-2002, Big job changes, forced out of 20yr job, loss of income and status, took lower paying job, moved to smaller house, very depressed.

April 04 Got the ILYBNILWY speech, discovered EA/PA with friend/neighbor, he moved out, I became Stepford wife, lost 30#, was in denial. He had his cake and ate it too.

Mar 06 Has moved out 3-4 times, finally ended EA/PA after 50-60 attempts, actually she moved on after her D, is on 2nd boyfriend. Debatable who ended it, but ugly things were said, his blinders were off and saw who she really was and what he had done.

May 06 He attempted OW#2, I discovered and confronted him after less than a month, he ended it with her and has said he wants to work on M. Actually I think he found OW#2 was not what he wanted or maybe he is waking up.

June 06 Discovered contact with OW#2 2 weeks after he ended it and had "recommitted to me". I confronted her and currently acts like old H more than not. Still has anger some days.


Since the middle of June, he has been more "normal" than alien. The OW thing is really over, after 2.5 yrs. The whole statement that affairs don't last more than 6 months was not true in my case. I would say their "fantasy" love and romance was over in 6 months, but it took him another 2 yrs of wavering, continual contact with her though he denied it, slowly waking up and seeing OW AND their relationship for what she was. It took a counselor who specialized in addictions to help him truly end it with OW.

Once he realized it was over, his OW withdrawl was really bad, not that he was depressed and withdrawn like the books made it sound like it would be. He retreated back and acted just like he did at the beginning of replay, (a real angry jerk alien) like when I got the ILYBNILWY speech. He was all manic, out partying, even tried another OW # 2 only to realize it wasn't the same, that they were all just "empty relationships" as he now calls them. This lasted about 1-2 months and tested me like no other time.

H is out of the fog I think. It is like he looks at the past 2.5 yrs like they were a dream, like they never happened, or like he can see them as an observer, at just how stupid, destructive and hurtful it was.

We saw OW over the weekend at a social function, the first time in 6 months. (H moved back home in September). He actually stayed by my side, touched me, and said we will put up a united front to her (just like all the affair books say and just like I had been asking him every time we tried to reconcile and he said it was over with her!). It took him 2.5 yrs to get to this point, he never wanted to do it until now. (was afraid it would hurt her feelings!!!). Now he is more concerned about mine!!

We talked later about it, I asked how it was to see her and he was very supportive and reassuring to his committment to me and our M. He described what he went through as "you think something different is better, then you realize what you had was all you ever wanted and needed."

Maybe that summarizes what MLC is like??

I'll post more later. I know this is long but I just wanted to let others know what it is like when the MLCer wakes up and starts calming down and seeing what they did and when all the chaos, anger, OW, are over!

Hang in there!

wed2alien

[DBHOPEFUL]

Wow wed-
That is great...glad to here your good news.
DBH

[Trying]

Wonderful...that lifted my spirits. Just to know some people survive. Best of Luck

xoxoxo
trying

[Lissett]

Hey you mamma!

GRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTT

but i have a peeve.

When ever you guys get thing moving back towards the direction you want them
I think you stop buying shoes

[angelica]

Wed2Alien - great news!!!!!!and a tribue to Standing. Lissett should be greatful - all the more shoes for the rest of us. There is solace in shoes.

Angelica

[lael]

Congratulations Wed2, it sounds like you are on the right track.

I don't know if you remember me, you posted to me a couple of times, and really helped me out. I haven't posted much lately. My H ended his A with the OW about a month ago, but still can't commit to working on our M. Things are much better than they were, but he is still in the fog. He admits to it though, and is trying to get help.

What you said about your H being worried about hurting the OW's feelings really hit home with me. My H still seems to have more loyalty to her than to me. No united front on this end. She is still unaware that I was in the picture for the last ten months, doesn't want to hurt her.

They are over, he has started a new job and no longer works with her, but I still feel like the possibility of him going back to her is still being held above my head, just to keep me in line.

I would appreciate any advice you can give me. I know patience is key.

[Sunflower23]

Wed,
It's so good to see you post and know you're wonderful news. I am so happy for you! It really helps when people come back and share after they've come out the other end. Seems they ususally disappear and we never know what came of them.

Hope you'll stick around some!

Hugs,
Sunflower

[yellowrose]

Wed

Of course I remember you. We were going through the same things at the same time....all the touch and goes. Aid is going through the same as you did and I still am.

I am so happy for you that things are going well. Please keep us updated as it helps us all.

If you have time could you run by my thread and give me your opinion and let me know if your h did the same as mine has done lately? I would appreciate any input you have.

My prayers are with you.

Y

[almosthopeless]

Hi wed2,

thanks for coming back and posting the good news. I'm glad things are going so well with you. I thought your description about his presenting the united front to OW was really vivid--I can just see and feel how that is so different from the standard MLC behavior.

Hugs.
AH

[wed2alien]

Thanks to all of you all that posted. I remember all of you and will get to your threads as I can. I don't seem to have the time I used too, H is very needy and takes up a lot of my time (a good thing I guess!!)

I think that may be why some find it hard to post once the MLCer comes home. Plus the fact that we are SOOOO ready for it all to be over, that it is nice to not think about MLC for a while. Like our brain has no energy for it for a while.

I now know that I still need this board because things aren't smooth or all lovey dovey yet. That part still bothers me, I hear some H come home and are touchy feely, loving, saying ILY, and trying so hard to reassure the LBS of their love and committment.

My MLCer is not like that, prefers not to talk about it except at certain times and then he is open. It comes in bits and pieces like they say. We have ML but no kissing or passion, so in a way, I still feel unloved, undesirable, like he came home not because he chose me, but just because I was still here and available!!

If this is like all the other stages, it will be SLOW improvement, the kind you can only see when you look back 6 months at time.

So keeping a PMA is as important as ever. I may read DB/DR again. I guess I thought H would be the one who would want to work on rebuilding marriage by reading books, seminars or just talking about our needs!! It just shows all MLCers are different and all go through it in their own way.

wed2alien