Feel free to look up my story on here...I've kept a pretty good journal of everything....but if you would prefer feel free to e-mail me. anitam@nordam.com I'll apologize up front if I don't respond quickly...e-mails often get caught in our SPAM filter if they are from hotmail/yahoo/earthlink etc.
To make a long story short though My H and I have been together close to 5 years now, married 3.5. He has NEVER exhibited a high SD, which was foreign to me...I had never experienced that in my life. I'd never in fact had to ask for sex before much less feel snubbed for it. On our 1st anniversary I put my foot down and insisted on MC. We went, and wasted our time for well over a year....because my H wasn't being honest with me or our C's (he also wouldn't say anything, so it's no surprise your H won't talk). He also continued to ignore sex and my requests for it. My instincts finally started screaming at me loud enough that I finally succumbed and installed a keylogger on our home computer. I sure felt guilty about it too. I felt sneaky, but my instincts were telling me that things just weren't adding up. Less than 10 hrs after I installed the keylogger I had an answer....he had a profile on Adult Friend Finders and had been communicating with women on it, viewing their photos/webcams and e-mail/chatting with them....all the while ignoring me and makign me feel like "I" was pressuring him. The reality was....he was turning elsewhere.
We are NOW doing much better because I confronted him about this....and since then we have determined my H has an issue with Whore/Madonna complex. We are now finding ways to work with this issue...and around it. Suffice it to say, we are doing better now that his "secret" is out.
Wow,how to respond to you BIGRED.-I am curious why you would want to post something like this on a forum for people that are already hurting because their spouses have done them wrong? Long,loving relationships not bliss after all? Then you want to warn all the men! Please.......what kind of responses were you looking for? I would like to give you mine but i don't like to cuss and that is what i would be doing.I guess if your spouse was a playboy bunny you might stay more commited to the marriage? -destined to be an old maid? K
Easy, sweet pea. I don't think BigRed was trying to offend... merely to solicit responses to a study he found... interesting.
Based on your response, I bet I could guess a whole lot about you. Care to share, honey? Start a thread. Vent. Get it out. May make you feel better. But be warned. People here will offer comfort and empathy, to be sure, but we in these parts tend to roll up our sleeves and at least TRY to get to work on ourselves... we don't typcially pull punches on one another.
Welcome to a place where no one wants to be. However. You won't find a gritter bunch of people anywhere.
-I am actually doing great.I am trying to help other people and bigreds study really irked me.Sorry,i tend to lash out more for others than myself.I just know from previous experience that it dosen't matter how much sex is in your relationship,or how great you look,if your spouse is going to cheat,they're going to cheat.Thanks for the reply though. God Bless,K
Well, yes I do think there are more issues Gel. Last summer he was getting information on premature ejaculation. Didn't realize it was a problem and he asked me to look on line with him. He was doing a wonderful job, making sex last longer and all. Then it just started going down hill (the sex frequency)....
I'm hoping it is just my belly that bothers him, and not something more. I don't know what to do or what to say. Do I instigate it for awhile?
I feel like we are continuing to distance ourselves because we don't have S very often any more.
Well if he was looking up info on premature ejaculation...it's VERY possible that he's embarrassed about that and that he has an issue with it himself. FWIW...my H is a quick shooter (as our MC calls it) too. He's never flat-out said it bothers him, but I know without a doubt that it does....he's very sensitive about this. Tries to play it off by making little jokes, but Iknow inside he's very self-concious about it.
There are excercises your H can do, methods he can try to help prevent that...but HE has to do them and be willing to give them a real go. My H can't seem to get to that point, so all I can do is reassure him that there are plenty of options if he is concerned about making sure I'm taken care of...and that I'm more concerned that we have intimate contact, I'm not really concerned with how long that contact lasts. You have to be truly sincere about this though, if you aren't it won't come across that way.
Chances are....your belly is really not the issue. I bet you will find that if you do the work with diet/exercise and get rid of that little bit of belly....this issue will still not change. It's so easy for us to feel like there is something wrong with us that our spouse finds unappealing...but you'll hear from a great many men on here that want sex with their wives that many of of them don't mind that bit of pudge that we as women hate so much. Many don't even mind that their W's gain 30-40lbs, they still want her.
Look for other things that make you feel close to your H too...besides sex. Find things that create an intimate/close feeing outside of the bedroom as well...that can help foster sexual feelings for later on. It also will help you through those times and keep you from feeling like you are drifting apart.
