Ladies. Any comments?? Men. Any comments?? Being in a long, loving and secure relationship may not be such bliss after all. A warning to all men: Once women feel secure in their relationships, their sex drive plummets, reports the BBC News. And it doesn't take long. Just four years into a relationship is enough to make a woman's libido wane, according to researchers at Hamburg-Eppendorf University in Germany, who found in a study of 520 men and women that less than half of 30-year-old women wanted regular sex. Specifically, they found that at the beginning of the relationship, 60 percent of the women wanted sex "often," but four years later less than 50 percent wanted this. After 20 years in a relationship, just 20 percent wanted to have sex often. The opposite is true for men. No matter how long they are in a relationship with the same woman, 60 to 80 percent of men still want to have sex often with her. Why? Blame it on human evolution. A man has a vested interest in keeping a high sexual interest in his partner. "For men, a good reason for their sexual motivation to remain constant would be to guard against being cuckolded by another male," lead study author Dr. Dietrich Klusmann told the BBC. But it's different for women. They have evolved to have a high sex drive in the initial stages of a relationship in order to form a "pair bond" with their partner. Once that bond is formed, interest in sex wanes. In later years, women possibly limit sex just to increase their partner's interest--you know, the old supply and demand theory. If the supply is limited, the demand will be high.
This explains why the discontent in marriage is much more male dominated then women. There was a study posted on here in the last few months that showed that over 60% of all men are NOT happy in their marriage, versus only 40% of women. Them men that marry the 20% of women that want a great sex life are the LUCKY ones.
Well. In any research, findings are findings. I suppose what is significant is what you DO with the findings. If this is a natural biological response in women... does that make you more empathetic? Do you realize your W isn't necessarily DOING something to you by her sex drive falling off... it's just the way she is built? If you are the woman (can't tell if you are the H or the W)... does it let you off the hook mentally (aha! I KNEW there was a reason... and since it's biological... I can't do anything about it), or are you willing to explore ways around your biology in order to keep your M thriving?
Corri makes a good point. General studies make general findings. But it doesn't matter if 99.9% of all men or women act a certain way, the only thing that really matters is how things are in YOUR R, and what you and your S are going to do to change things if they need changing. I can tell you from experience that the "most people do it this way" argument doesn't work very well. Each marital situation has its own unique set of nuances that must be considered.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
I find such studies to be so flawed and full of holes and assumptions you can drive a truck through them. This study is making an implied connection between women’s age and sex drive. That could be only coincidental. The real factor affecting sex drive could be a host of other issues that only come into play over time, thus the appearance that age is some sort of predictor.
The bigger danger, and one I have had to confront, is that people like these types of studies because they can serve as ammunition to back up their argument against their spouse. It becomes another stone in their defensive wall and justification to hold onto resentment. That leads to self delusion, and eventually narcissism.
Big red, what if the situation is the opposite? I am the W and want it all the time and my H doesn't want it. His excuse is that he is too tired (we both are very career driven) and we also have 2 young boys. (which makes it difficult to find time). His other excuse is that my belly is bothering him. (It is flabby) , but I am a size 10 so its not like I'm huge. Any advice/ suggestions? kneedn
FYI...your H sounds an awful lot like mine, there were/are much bigger issues at work within my sitch. I'd be willing to bet there are with your sitch too. For us it's taken some pretty drastic things to get true progress.
GEL I would love to hear more.... I do think there are also bigger issues with what I am dealing with, but he isn't saying anything. I have left it alone now for some time, but I don't know what to do. This last time I initiated and it was very quick for both of us because it had been so long.... Any advice would be appreciated. kneedn
