Has anyone dealt with this?

[kikifree]

Me32
H32
seperated13months
d6
In June H and I weren't speaking. At the end of June, H attemted to contact me. We started seeing each other again.
My H and I have been having blowouts since July. after a few weeks, H started contacting me. H and I started getting along again in August. H would grab me , making comments about moving in, kissed me passionately, etc.
Wel, two weeks ago H went out of time. H texted me from there. When H came back , he hadn't seen D6 in over a week. So, I asked him to see her. H replied, nastily, he had things to take care of. When i tried discussing things with him H BLEW up. From there, H blamed everything on me saying I was crazy etc. When I again tried to difuse the situation, H said he no longer wanted a relationship with me..only to discuss D6.
Well, Friday was his day tpo pick up D6 for the weekend. D6 called him and his phone was off. She left several messages(he gave her a phone) but he hasnt even called her. Today was also a day he was supposed to pick her up , but no call or anything.
What is going on?
H was very affectionate before he left on his trip. He started divorce procedings in February after we got into a huge arguement. but since then, we have gotten along until I mentioned his time with D8. THe only reason I do mention it is because D6 cries for him alot.
I dont get it ...H was eating dinner with us..even told me to see his new apartment .Acting as his old self...but now I do not know if he is dead or alive.
H also spends alot of time with a police coworker of his that has been divorced for 10 yrs. I do believe that is a problem. H used to be a christian and valued his family.
What do I do?

[cat03]

I dont get it ...H was eating dinner with us..even told me to see his new apartment .Acting as his old self...but now I do not know if he is dead or alive.
H also spends alot of time with a police coworker of his that has been divorced for 10 yrs. I do believe that is a problem. H used to be a christian and valued his family.

You are correct, my H also got "great advice" from divorced friends who got screwed when d'd. Same here about religion, my H is all jaded now and it is a shame to see this man who valued God as the first thing now talking as if the bible is a fairy tale, again, thanks to his bumb coworkers.

I feel so bad about your d6, minimize her expectations and tell her that for a while he won't be coming, even if you know he is supposed to pick her on a certain date dont' mention it until you know 100% for sure he is coming.

He's prob back in the vicious cycle of being an alien again, it is a shame he isn't even calling for your d6, I hope he regaisn his senses at least on that aspect, that little girl has nothign to do w/his prob w/you.

Please always keep your guard up, I kept mine up even after my H was back, so please do the same for both your and your d's sake.

[kikifree]

THank you so much for replying. I feel like it is a cycle. H seems so normal at times then BAM! I noticed it is everytime I do mention something to him. i guess I just get tired at times and wonder if he ever sees that.
I am not a problem person..I do not like them at all.
WEll, Tuesday when I arrived home H left a note stating he was by to pick her up but he ran into traffic and was late. H also thanked me for something I sent him (before we weren't speaking)
THe thing is, hdidn't even call since D6 called him so I didn't count on him picking her up. Today is his other scheduled day but H hasn't called so I do not expect him to pick her up since he didn't friday.
What to do????
h's father also went through a similar thing but never left the house..could this bew related?
THanks again

[MariS]

My heart goes out to your daughter as well as you.

Take comfort that you have each other and know that there are several of us out there on a similiar roller coaster ride.

I agree with the other comment for your D6. Let her know that Daddy still loves and cares for her, but is having a hard time at the moment, but he is not forgetting her.

Refrain from ANY negative comments about him around her. Those little ears are amazing. I would also suggest refrain from pushing him to spend time with or see her. He might see this as your attempt to control.

Sending you positive thoughts....

[kikifree]

THank you.
Yes, Iagree. I always tell d6 that i love daddy and he is not feeling to good lately.And I will not try to force h to see her. Honestly, it just really makes me sad to see d6 miss out but i try to keep her occupied.
It is comforting to know that I am not completely insane!

[kasiopeia]

Always remember that God will bring his christian back to him,it will be in his time,he will bring them to their knees.If your H is a christian he will remember his faith,right now the devil has ahold of him.This is why they are alien.My H actually was having a heart-attack at 32 yrs old during his A days, the doctors told him he needed to change his lifestyle and de-stress.I felt like God was telling him,i put you on this earth and i can take you off it,so wake up! God does work in mysterious ways, he doesn't make people have affairs,they make that choice.He is however all for marriage,so keep on praying it really does work! God Bless,K

[kikifree]

Well H came by on fRi to drop off my monthly check..H was over thursday to pick up d6 but forgot to bring the check.H did not get to see me, my friend was over watching d6. When H dropped d6 at my house THurs, he came in (which is unusual).
H left the check with a note on the door stating he was going out of town this weekend and would like to take d6.
When I pulled up to my house, H wasleaving . W ehadn't spoken in awhile so I just kept driving. H made a uturn and followed. When he reached my house, I let him know d6 wasn't with me but at my mom's for the weekend. All H said was I left a note and check on the door for you.I responded OK (I was on the phone) and walked up tpo my house. H paused and left.
H then texted me on Sat asking for my rsponse but I chose not to answer. I haven't heard from him since. H is supposed to pick up d6 today. i just don't know how to "go dark". I feel good about myself. I have GAL.
My friend says H just wants a reaction from me since I have been dark on him.Like texting me for an answer.
To tell you the truth, i don't know what I should do.
So, that's what is going on.
H wants to take d6 to his parent's house. THey really haven't been helpful in all this so I am hesitant about it.

[cat03]

H wants to take d6 to his parent's house. THey really haven't been helpful in all this so I am hesitant about it.

neither were my inlaws, but that never stop me from having kids over to their place, to keep it as "normal" as I could back then, don't break the contact he is trying to keep w/D6, that's another R in itself and you shouldnt' come between then.
Let him take her specially if for a while he didnt' see her, just answer him & keep your answer short and only about that question, you don't need to ignore him completly, she needs her father, but you already knew that.

[kikifree]

H came to pick her up yesterday. H came to the door. D6 answered. He then came in the house. Which I didn't expect. He asked what happened to my car(it's in the shop..I have a rental)H said he thought I bought a new car.
I told him and he then told me about a event that was being aired that night. H wanted me to know because he knew I liked it. H then told me he would help straighten something out for the car insurance if I gave him the info. he then continued getting d6 ready and asked for a drink.Oh, he also asked what was wrong with my mouth. I got sunburned-Im a teacher and the class was outside half the day. I handed a drink and they left.
It was nice to see him.
When he dropped her back off h didnt say much and handed d6 to me at the door.
I just want to scream "I love you" but i said thanks and walked inside.
I have never held d6 from him or his family. I know it is just selfish of me not to want her to go. I guess I'll let her go(fine ) Did you guys start having a relationship again?
Sooo, at least we are past the hateful!
I miss him so much today..but icontinue living my life.

[cat03]

I know it is hard, and feels unnatural to stop yourself from saying ILY or touching your H. I also almost cut the time my kids would spend on Thanksgiving with MIL, but I realized I'd only hurt them, so nashing my teeth I took them, and it was ok. My behavior, as well as your gentle behavior, let to diffuse tension and hate and we were able to talk to each othere, it is a start.
It took us about 7mth until he hit rock bottom and came home.