Has anyone dealt with this?

[kikifree]

Ok. So H decided to show up at my school yesterday. That is something he has not done recently. So I look outside mt classroomm and see him. I open the door and ask him what he is doing here. H said he was in the neighborhood(mind you he is never in that area) and wanted to pick up d6. It was 330 and his pick up time is 530.
I don't know how he knew where i was but he did.
So i said ok. And walked him to where d6 was.
As we walked down the hall, a co teacher was there and I said " this is ...uh..my..uh..Mr.Freeman." He said hello and walked down the hall and smartly commented "her soon to be ex". I suppose it was because i didn't know how to introduce him.
Whatever- I ignored him.
We got to d6 -and this is the kicker-H says , "hey have you celebrated any birthdays since I saw you last?" being that was on Tuesday.
So I said "why?" H comments "you are looking kind of old." I could have killed him. But I didn't let him get to me. I snickered and said " don't you worry about my age-I look great-IM 31!!!
So i just kept on talking to him about d6 and He mentioned it was not going to be conveinent for him to take her on this trip---so she doesn't go to see her grandparents anyway.
H then takes d6 and they go off.
First , i want to say, H is in the most out of shape he has ever been. I can comment on that but I won't . i was really hurt because I am nothing but kind to him and he says those two comments and tries to get to me. But I did not react. except to my friends to vent.
When h dropped her off , I was late and apologized with a smile. I thought he would be angry but he said it was no problem. Then he proceeds to take her in the house and put her in bed..a change from the last time he dropped her off.
He said I'll see you later ..I said ok
I just don't get him..why does he have to say such immature comments.Who does that ?
So off he goes today to see his parents without d6,

[cat03]

why does he have to say such immature comments.Who does that

he is just projecting his misery, he's prob feeling (and apparently) looking awful, so he just has to make others around him feel the same, or feels you should feel the same.

So, keep looking great and sexy to show him a thing or two, that YOU are doing great I commend you for not sinking down to his level of inmaturity.

[kikifree]

I had a good weekend. I enjoy my life but last night I really missed H. H left to go see his parents on Friday and we hadnt heard from him since. So I was throwing myself a pity party and missing him last night. H had asked me to keep d6's phone on because he supposably was trying to call her last weekend but the phone has been on and he hasn't called.
Well, we had to reschedule mediation(which I found to be a sign from God) and it is scheduled for Nov 28th-our 8th wedding anniversary. I find that also to be a sign.
I almost felt like giving up on H last night..I just can't believe he doesnt miss us(who wouldn't??? )

So do I give up??I know, I know....

[cat03]

a normal person would miss his family, he has been abducted by aliens now, so he doesn't count. Remember, keep your expectations veeeeeeeeery low but your confidence high, hang in there gal))))))))))

[kikifree]

H came to pick up D6 today.
This time he beeps the horn and doesn't say a word to me.
I don't get it .some days he tries to talk to me..and now he doesn't care.
What can I do to turn this around??
I hate we don't even communicate..I know I can live without him..I just don't want to.
What can I do to turn this situation around..any ideas ?
He goes to his parents and comes back all cold.....

[cat03]

remember, you can't make him do anything, he is just isn't ready, untill he sees his own faults he is still angry and blaming you. Let him go, he'll come back on his own, focus on you and d6.

[kikifree]

Well, when H came to drop off d6 , i asked him to hold on a minute. H was very suprised and asked why.
I said just one second.
So I went outside and started off telling him that the situation between us isn't right and i hate the fact we have so much tension. I told h that I struggle between my pride and how i truly feel. i told H that I care for him and want us to get along. H agreed. H said he is not angry with me and thinks all the paperwork causes tension between us. H said that getting along right now is hard because we are in the middle of the business part of this hell. H said that after all this he thinks his relationship with me will be better. I told him i was scared that he would drift apart from d6 too. H said he would never do that.H said he is so stressed out and I said this is the situation you created.I said I understood and i wouldnt wish this upon my worst enemy. H said that he wouldn't.
I told h that i am not his enemy and never was . H just looked at me. I told h i was thrown into this situation but feel i have grown and he agreed.
After that h asked for a hug and thanked me for talking to him.
so i decided that i would be positive towards him now.
what do you think??? I will not give up . I see him and know he is fighting his pride.
Today i texted him that d6 was staring soccer and if he would like to join us. he responded absolutely

[cat03]

Im glad you rectified some of his misgivings, my H also thought that I was out to get him when he left (all I did was cry and never a thought about hurting him went through my brain).
I hope this is a good beginning of him opening up, yes, be always positive

[kikifree]

ok..I forgot to add something.H said he was at thee point right now wether he was happy with us getting along or not it didn't matter to him anymore. Basically if we were friends or not he no longer cared. That did kind of hurt me...and then he asked "does that bother you?" I just responded that is the way you feel so no.
Oh And he said he loves me and likes me and wishes no harm to me...Thanks, dude

[kikifree]

Well last H came and picked up d6 and was not in a great mood-h said he was stressed. I said I understood.Later that evening, I called H(a 180) and told him that he could drop off d6 early since he felt stressed H responded he had a sergeant's exam and he would let me know.

I know maybe I should not be in piecing yet but it is very positive here.

So H arrived a bit early and dropped d6 off. I went out on a limb and spoke to H about our friendship.

I told h i didn't like that we are not friends as we were. Before H would come by and hang out with us. I never really appreciated that and I always wanted more-now. H said that it is hard for him to see us as friends because he doesn't trust me. H said that my true colors would show after awhile.(we would get ino an arguement)
That made me realize , even though I had thought I was right in all my actions towards H - I really was just making it about me. I never really understood what H was going through. We would get along great but when h would act like he was too busy for d6 and I and give me an attitude I would react to it. WOW! I was wrong also. Yes -H was not nice but my reaction made it worse. I was not focusing on myself.

Well, we continued to talk and I told H i was not understanding of him and thought his life was fun and he was having a good time.
H responded, "yeah, be in my crappy shoes for a day, you'll see how great my life is"

I told H i wanted to get us back to the way we were. H said he was at the point that he didn't care if we ever spoke.

I said,"gee that's nice"
H said," then make me feel differently...make me want to be that way again.
I said , " you don't think I can..."
H responded," no ..but PROVE me wrong"
I said " I will..will you apologize for not trusting me(jokingly)
H said yes I will..but prove me wrong
I said ,"when I do, will you buy me dinner too? (jokingly)
H said yes
I said , " good luck tom and he said thanks

Now, I have just realized that maybe h has been waiting and testing me not to react towards all this. And I always have mostly because of my ego. I never really helped him get through this..I made it worse. I was angry then and thought I could handle it .Now h has challenged me to be the better person and let go of all the anger and focus on me.
He leaves next Friday for a two week trip so It will be hard then but my goal is to show him that I am here for him even through all this.

Well, what do we think?????????
I need some tips on what I can do

Me 31
H 32
together 16 yrs
M 8 yrs(this November)
D6
Seperated since last July