Hey NYS...Want to say thanks to you for the many thoughtful posts that you made in the last year. I have to say that I did heed your wise advice (not all the time, I must say...) and am now in Piecing... The thing is that I find that my demons do come and haunt me occassionally, and I have to say it does drive my H a little bit crazy and defensive... So, need to learn to exorcise all the bad bad thoughts from the past and MOVE on...
Quote: Love-life wise, still getting knocked around. Purposefully moving forward though, still believing that whoever she is, we'll cross paths someday. True, there are many moments I have of existential angst, but I try to buffer them by realizing truths of my life that beg to differ factually from my imagined fears.
Quote: No, I'm not an actor by trade, nor a composer. Just something that happened while GAL, which just goes to show what can happen.
...True, there are many moments I have of existential angst, but I try to buffer them by realizing truths of my life that beg to differ factually from my imagined fears.
NYS,
I'm just back myself. Digging in a little deeper this time. I'll be looking over your previous threads soon. I remember you were one of the ones I looked up to. Congrats at your GAL efforts. I need to be so bold.
I really need to work on that last part. Thanks for the inspiration. Keep shining.
Oh, thanks! Very traumatic aging a whole year in just one day, you know. After all this practice, I'm still not used to it, though it seems I'm getting faster at it.
Celebrated by going into the east village to attend an art gallery reception for an artist friend of mine that was exhibiting there, then came back home, changed into a makeshift pirate's outfit, and went to a halloween karaoke contest and almost won 2nd prize.
K used the occasion to email me and wanted to know if we could be friends (I guess 'cause I haven't communicated with her since early August). I called her back a couple of days later and had a friendly little chat to catch up and said "I don't think so" and explained to her why I felt her "friendship" was more about feeding her insecurities, her not being able to say goodbye, than any genuine concern for me, and that bothered me. Well, she emailed her thoughts:
Quote: I've been thinking about what we talked about and you know me, I don't verbalize well, so when I've finally hashed it out in my mind enough to feel like I really understand it, we can have a conversation about it. But yes, I do agree it's always been hard for me to say good-bye. Not to everyone, some people I was happy to get rid of, but to the people who really meant something to me, yes, it's tough. I really don't think it's all that abnormal, to be honest, to miss someone you spent so much time with and cared so much about. If I didn't still care, well, then I just wouldn't care, would I? (How's that for clarity?) Anyway, it's simply about giving a damn.... being sincerely proud of who you are, who you've become, and happy that you've finally unlocked the door to reaching your full potential. I was never able to convince you to do that when we were together, so I'm glad you're doing it now. I'm not looking for anything from you, I guess I'm just looking for the verve and spirit in the person I met so any years ago - he was a really good guy, but he sort of got lost. It's nice to know he was only temporarily misplaced....; ). I'm sorry you feel as though there's nothing for you to get out what is our so-called non friendship, but perhaps I haven't yet grown as much as you have and don't have much that's new to offer. I'm working on it, tho, the anxiety is gone, and I'm going back to being much more social - and for me, that's a good start. Truth is, while we did have our differences in the past, you're right about the bad times fading away - I remember the good stuff and it makes me remember the good you. I guess that's the you I miss....and the you that you seem to be more of now. A cool guy with some cool sh*t going on. Like I used to be. Like I want to be again and am working towards. You can't help me with that, I know, we live in different worlds, but in the broad picture, it's all about the art in our lives and the almighty creative process. And on that level, I feel we can still relate. That's what I always felt brought us together to begin with, and feel now why we could still be friends. We're artists - which probably means we're both crazy, I guess, but it's what also makes us sincere, interesting, and a little more aware and in tune than most people. Hell, it's what makes us tick. Which, in turn, means we all have to stick together, because we're the only ones who understand us all.
