Don't get down about it unless you really have something to get down about, cat! Remember, we spend most of our time worrying about things that never happen.
Getting tested is just for your safety and peace of mind. Everything will most likely be all clear.
Heck, you're better off than me. The day I found out about the A/OM was also the day I found out about the STD. And just on the outside chance I hadn't caught it (unlikely), my choice to remain with my wife was pretty much a choice to contract it eventually, as with this (g.herp) even condom use is not entirely effective.
This has really been a test of whether I meant it when I said for better or worse, in sickness and health, til death do us part.
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. -- Inigo Montoya, 'The Princess Bride'
it is really hard to believe that you were in such denial about your husband. almost every woman automatically assumes there is OW in the picture when their husband leaves them.and there you go ASSuming things about what he is thinking.this is what will get you in trouble...your desire what about his now that you have brought up the testing so many months after the affair. don't even think it isn't bothering him the way you have handled it. why couldn't the 2 of you have gone together to get tested? go to someplace and make it a point to stop pressuring him. yes it is important but your line of thinking has to stop.
I'm gonna join Finally-Free here and slap you in the face a few times.
How is it going against everything in you to GET TESTED AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF?
You are attaching this horrible stigma to getting tested, and it's just plain ridiculous. Yes, we were good wives, but things happen, and you get tested. You are not a slut, dirty, or anything. You need to let go of the action of getting tested being against your identity and nature....this is dangerous turf here.
I agree with Finally Free....go get tested TOGETHER. Especially if you have had sex for 6 months. If you're reconciling, then do it together as a way of putting this behind you, of seeking knowledge as power, as taking care of BOTH of your health for yourselves, each other and your KIDS. Say "honey...this is not about the A, humiliation or what you did. I want us both to be healthy, and I think we need to not be stupid. I want to do this WITH you....it's not about being dirty, it's about being safe and empowered....I want us both to go together, I have scheduled an appoiintment for us both on XX date, will you go with me, please, it will mean so much."
Say it with love. I know you're mad, but you may have NOTHING. But, you're being awfully silly about all of this. You're using this to determine who is the "slut", how disillusioned that your H was in thinking she was clean...WHO CARES. The point is, it's DONE, and you MAY have something. Just go.
This topic is separate from DB, your reconciliation, MLC....just go and get it done.
I'm glad that you're doing it. I'm sorry if I have been harsh, I just care about you and want you to do this, and I was just really scared that you would not.
If you feel icky going to the Dr, and want to do this WITH H, then go to a clinic.
Call Planned Parenthood, or another health clinic and ask if they do STD testing. If you have health insurance, they cover it for sure. If so, then fix an appt (you should get one quickly), and go together. Get the full spectrum. Be done with it. They will call you with results in a week or so. It is purely confidential, and likely in a clinic setting, one that you have never been to, you will have the anonymity that you want, and I understand that. No one asks questions, you admit nothing to anyone...you just say you're both here for a test....that's it.
Frankly, I think it's a nice way to clear the path and start fresh together.
I'm proud of you. I know this is hard....just stay focused. Again, sorry if I was harsh, but I was scared you would not take care of your health.
About the A, there was no way in heck to ever guess he was having one, and by the way, he didt' leave me for her, his problems at the time where much bigger that just finding an exciting new lover. Not every man that leaves his wife has a woman 100% of the time.
And I guess I was somewhat naive and dumb to let things be after i found out he was in a PA, the same week I found out he'd promised he'd get himself tested, I left it at that and until the fated little book appeared I had no real clue that I could really be in danger of having something. He'd never answer when I asked him if he'd use protection and always reasured me he didnt' catch anything since he got tested.
Lo and behold, he calls me today, his classes will be cut short this friday and will go get tested then. I've been thinking with my heart and not my head, didn't really wanted to accept that I could have something.
I know you care about me a-14, or you wouldn't have made such a fuss, thank you)))))))
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
No need to feel embarrassed about the STD testing. They can hide in your body for years. I told my ob/gyn I was considering getting prego so I wanted to be sure I didn't have anything.
You don't need to get into the whole sordid details with your dr. Just tell him/her that a friend of yours didn't want to be tested so you promised to do it too for moral support.
I do not post much, I read your sitch every now and again since you posted once on my thread. My H and i have been reconciled for 2 months now.. and it is a Journey.
.... but since reading this I feel as though I should post to you. I really feel for you and know that this is hard for you. You can do this and you have no reason to be embarassed you did not cheat he DID... I went a while back and this is not the first time I have had to go. The first time I explained to the nurse who did not know me from adam that my H cheated on me and I needed to know I was ok... Tears started streaming down my face and she just patted my shoulder and said" it is going to be ok."
This time around I did not cry I was angry.... my H claimed he used a condom but I still wanted to know for myself. My h was actually offended { give me a break}and though he said he did not get anything {{ used a Condom and supposedly no Oral sex either}}he called three times to know the results and I explained they could not tell me anything that soon...
When he got home that nite he had the nerve to say that I made him feel bad that he was dirty.. and that if the Dr. knew why I had to go??? I lied to him and said the Dr. did not know that I was just thinking I had to get tested,,, you know my Dr. said to me only you know if you should stay with him and noone can judge you.. he has been my DR. for over 17 years.
I am getting angry as I type this b/c I do not understand how they { WAH} think they can play with our lives so easily by cheating and sleeping with us {LBS} like no big deal.. DEEP BREATH
Do not let this get you... ... you have no reason to feel shame you are a good person who loves someone who made a BIG MISTAKE.. plain and simple.
...
God would be proud of you for staying commited to your Marriage.Stay strong. ...best of luck and God bless...
Make sure YOU get tested too, even if H is. It's just 5 minutes, and really easy. Go together if you want....like I said, it could be a nice way to clean the slate and let him know that you're not doing it to humiliate him. Make it a point to show each other the test results too.
I went today to get tested....the preliminary tests were negative, but I still am waiting for results. I think I'm fine (I got tested back in Feb, supposedly AFTER H had his one night stand, but with MLC it's all lies, lies, lies).
I did it just to close that chapter for myself....to take power over my body and be knowledgable. It was a great thing. I too told the nurse and doc, and they (both women) were great...I found myself very matter-of-fact about the whole thing, and turns out the nurse was in a similar situation.
So, when are YOU getting tested?
Just so you know....the full panel is (sorry if I'm being too detailed here, but this matters to me):
* Syphilis, hepatitis (both blood tests) * trichimonas, chlamydia (swab test. Usually they do the trich right there. * Herpes can't be tested easily and usually they say they can only when you have an outbreak....and to come in then, and that you can tell when you have one. So, just cross your fingers on that.
So, there ya go! A little "Our Bodies, Our Selves" thread you got going here!!!!
