Torn Asunder by Dave Carder I found it on www.FamilyLife.com but you can find it on amazon.com also
This is an excellent read for dealing with affairs and trying to put your marriage back together. This book is decidedly from a Christian perspective, but helpful for anyone who finds themselves in a leaky boat like mine.
Lots of information about the reasons an affair occurs. What components are necessary for an affair. Also talks about the different types of affairs. Compelling reading. I highly recommend it.
In this book, Mr. Carder says that if you can find 20% of your marriage at level 4 or level 5 (on a scale of 1-5), you have better than a 93% chance of making your marriage better than ever.
Mr. Carder has counseled thousands of couples hurting b/c an affair.
Great book: "What Happy People Know" by Dan Baker.
It's really impressive how well this ties in with the DB philosophy. The book discusses the science of happiness, and the personal decisions we make that decide whether we acheive it or not. It's not about marriage, per se, but I think we all understand the value happiness brings to M. I am only about half way through it (started it last night), but I recommend it wholeheartedly.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
Again, I'll say the Anthony Robbins "Personal Power" cd's. A book comes with it.
It states how to react to situations that you can control. It shows how "only you" can let negative feelings enter into your being. How to not let things bother you, etc.
Btw, GH, what college? FSU UM U of F Stetson FAU? just curious...mine was FSU...my H's U of M.
Dale Carnegie's Lifetime Plan for Success: The Great Bestselling Works Complete In One Volume by Dale Carnegie.
It had a lot of useful stuff for those times you must converse with your WAS.
BTW, it's 2 books in one volume... How to Win Friends & Influence People How to Stop Worrying and Start Living
It's been around for a VERY long time. It helped me enough that I signed up for the course and found that to be very useful too. Something I'll be able to use for the rest of my life.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie
The particular sections that were very helpful were on detachment and just the general theme that you cannot control people or force people to do things. The book does have some focus of being a codependent of an alcoholic but in our situations you can pretty much substitute spouse in an affair or any other problem. Definitely a worthwhile read and in a lot of ways pertinent to most of our situations.
"Friendship is like peeing your pants: everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth."
I'm not generally a fan of post-Freudian psychoanalysts (Jung, Adler, Fromm, Marcuse, et al.) for a number of unrelated reasons, but what Fromm did here is really worthwhile reading, if only to correct the rampant egotism that washes over us every few minutes or so.
In part, reading something like this encourages you to think about what you mean when you claim you 'love' someone.
I found out that I had a lot to live up to, no matter how much I thought I was "doing a good job."
You know, this thread was a really good idea. And it's about the only one where I feel comfortable posting other than in my own sorry tale. Probably because here's one more place where you can ask for information rather than try to give advice.
(I'm so screwed up by my own state of affairs that I'm extremely reluctant to hazard giving advice to anyone at all, no matter how often I've read the DB book or anything else.)
Anyway, any more required reading out there? We all want to know.
"Life's Greatest Lessons" by Hal Urban - great book for helping you find the best in yourself and others. He also wrote a follow up book, called "Positive choices that Change Lives" . His books are great when you are working on yourself and wanting to become a better person!
