JW: please don't leave. we need you. i need you. you sound so all-together these days. you are a role model.
i am ok. trying so hard. wish i knew dbing before my h left. it will be 6 months next week. tonight when he called, i simply asked him what he did this weekend. he said not to grill him. i didn't mean to...i tend to ask too many questions...instead of making statements. that is my goal this week. no questions.
i am trying to hang in there...trying so hard. i am so glad things are working out for you....
Ronnie I am not going anywhere. I am here for you and check everyday to see how you are. You have sounded so much better lately. Others have commented on how much better and stronger you are. I know it has been the hardest thing you have ever done but you are making wonderful progress.
Not asking questions will be a good 180 for you and your H will notice. It really doesn't matter what he is doing or with whom really. He is on his own personal journey just as we all are. As you said in one of your post. You have to fix you while he tries to sort out and fix himself. Only then will the two of you be able to work on fixing your marriage.
If your H is going through some kind of MLC he will eventualy come out of the tunnel. What he has not had a chance to learn yet is that every relationship he has is going to end up in the same place unless he figures out that what he is looking for has always been right there at home. Unfortunatley these H's won't take our word for it and have to find out for themselves. I have come to believe that most of them do eventualy figure it out.
One of the big questions is that will he figure it out before you give up on him and build a new life? When he does figure it out will you still want him? You might not believe it now but when you have fixed you and found some peace and happiness without him is when he is going to decide he wants to come home. It is then that you will have to decide if you really want to give him the power to do this to you again 5 years from now? You are on your own personal journey right now. Take it one day at a time and make each day the best it can be. The future will take care of itself. None of us knows for sure what tomorrow will bring anyway. So each morning when you wake up count your blessings and focus on your PMA. You are going to be all right.
You are a wonderful person Ronnie and what has happened is your H's fault and not anything that you did or didn't do. It was his decision and like me you were not consulted in the decision making process. Give him time and keep working on the detaching.
If there is any majic formula around here it would have to consist of patience, time, and detaching. Those three things seem to work better than anything else. Get a good nights sleep and I will back tomorrow.
PS. I think you have made some very good decisons lately. I am thinking of the one you made to not do anything until after the weddings and then to stall until you are ready or force your H to be the one to eventualy file and have to wait a year. A lot can and will happen in a year.
Johnswife, Hi! You'd better not leave! We need you here. You're one of the best success stories and a great role model---living proof that DB works and can be done, even with a stubborn spouse.
Ronnie, JW's right---you are doing soooo much better. It takes time to feel "normal" again. But you will. Baby steps. Just like you're doing. I think your 180 of no questions will work.
GG thanks for stopping by my thread. I left a reply for you on your thread. My H was talking about his plans for the future this evening and I let him know I still worry that he is going to flip back into the alien on day without warning and that scares me. He said not to worry and that he beamed the alien back into outer space and he isn't coming back. (H is a trekkie) I told him to make sure there is no transporter room for the alien to sneak back. My H has never had much patience and he is showing that he knows I need some time to feel safe again and seems to be real understanding about that.
Chelsea I forgot to mention on my last post to you that from all I have read the OW's most of the time are not as good looking as the wives. Their strength is that they make our H's feel good about themselves and they don't have to nag at them about anything. It is real surprising to us wives to see that the OW is not better than us in any way usually except that they are treating our H's like knights in shining armour and stroking their egos. Think about it. It does make a lot of sense. I know when I figured that out I realized that I hadn't made my H feel good about himself on any regular basis and that he needed that so much that when she did he wanted to spend more time with her so he could feel valued and appreciated.
