COG, Yeowwww she is worst than I am! I had a similar convo, well, not quite as pointed. My solution was to go digital. They are cheap, no film costs, same quality (at this point). You file them on the computer, and can sort, manipulate, label, delete or whatever to your heart's content AND everybody has their own camera. End of problem. Everyone happy.
I loved your response though
Quote: I'm going to do everything I can to minimize the amount of time you'll have to spend organizing pictures, because that'll mean you'll have more time for me.
You have SUCH patience....
I'm sure the DB gods are listening intently....About the books...I was thinking, before I read the DR book, like many here, I was screwing up. They helped me with a direction, which, to this point, has been one hellofalot better than the direction I was going. So, like an individual that is still almost a level above the primates, I figure I should look for some information BEFORE I step into this next phase. (see women, we can learn...) I would sure hate to blow all of the hard work from the past 16 months.
In reading some of the threads here I am already seeing some patterns. That helps but until time passes you don't know if those patterns were good/successful patterns or good attempts with bad results.
You seem to be doing well but have been blessed with more patience than any saint I have met!
Quote: Went home for lunch today and W was there. After some small talk I brought up the camera subject. I told her to please explain where she was coming from because I did'nt get it. So she went ahead and explained that it's a pain to try to organize one set of photo's let alone two sets of photos. She said that she did'nt mind that I had the camera, but that it was just more complicated like, if I went to the soccer game and took pictures on my camera. Then next day she goes to a play at school and takes pictures on hers. The chronological order gets screwed up because sometimes I leave my film in the camera for months. It would just be easier if I would take her camera. She said it's fine for me to take pictures of anything I want, but for family type pictures and stuff, use her camera.
Man can you say: "ANAL!"
Good response, you handled good enough to get a hug and a kiss out of it! YOU are controling the situation!
May I suggest that you get film that has less shots, then perhaps you would not have the same film in there for 6 months...?
My sitch
Me 35
WAW 34
Married 4 years
NO kids
BOMB July 21 2006
Oh Yah! Would you believe our cooking spices are in aphabetical order? It's just how she is, and that's how I've learned to love her. I could beat my head against a wall until it's a bloody pulp OR, I can live and let live. Actually, after living with an alphabetized spice rack, it is much easier and quicker to find things. My W is getting much more relaxed about things too. She's come to learn and accept that she can't control everything. It's all good!
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
Quote: I enjoyed reading your post. Wish I could have a story book ending, but my H is ready to move on and get rid of me. I can't convince him that I can change or anything. He just wants to end it. I've stopped contacting him at all and will see him October 16th for mediation. I wish my H would have wanted a separation...but he wants a D. What can I do but give it to him?? I have no choice. It's good to see other people's marriages have survivied. Question: Did your W ever tell you "I'm not in love with you anymore?" and how did she say she got that back?? Thanks
I would ask my W how she felt, and her standard reply for about 3 years was "I love you but I'm not In Love with You". She actually screamed at me one time "I DON'T LOVE YOU". Even though we're actually reconciled, she's still a little squeemish about saying she's IL with me. It's a more mature love than the butterfly feeling. She never really got the "I'm In Love" part back. It's more of a forward feeling she has. We're both resolved that the "honeymoon" feeling has been gone for a lot of years and is NEVER coming back. And that's OK!
There's no convincing him that you'll change, you just have to do it unconditionally. Don't do it for him, do it for you. If the change is positive, it can't help but improve the sitch.
God Bless,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
Quote: Are you ever worried that she will do this to you again and leave again??
Honestly, I don't worry about that AT ALL! I've spent the last four years becoming healthy; spiritually, physically, and emotionally. I've been to hell and back and I'll not go there again. If she leaves me again, then so be it! I'll let her go, still love her, and be her friend.
It's not my job to worry, it's my job to LIVE! Fear is a little thought planted by the devil. It's a great tool that scum sucking dog uses to anchor us down, so we don't move forward. Just take life one day at a time, live in reality, celebrate every moment you have.
You can build yourself a garage sized box to move into. Never let anyone in, and never go out for fear of being injured. You can probably survive that way your whole life, but you'll never have lived. Better to face the fire, stick your neck out, take a chance, let yourself be vulnerable. Sure you'll take your lick's, but you'll not look back on your life and wish you'd had more courage.
Once in awhile I'll gently tell my W that it's OK if she ever finds someone else. That she deserves to be IL, happy, etc. That I let her down and I'll always be sorry. She know's it's OK whatever happens. I know it'll be OK too, and THAT'S the most important thing.
God Bless,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
Quote: It's not my job to worry, it's my job to LIVE! Fear is a little thought planted by the devil. It's a great tool that scum sucking dog uses to anchor us down, so we don't move forward. Just take life one day at a time, live in reality, celebrate every moment you have.
I find myself getting caught up in "what ifs" sometimes, like: What if H doesn't feel like he can say he wants to come home? or What if he decide that he likes living on his own and never comes home? I needed to read this today--thanks! When you found yourself feeling fear, how did you release that?
Quote: Once in awhile I'll gently tell my W that it's OK if she ever finds someone else. That she deserves to be IL, happy, etc. That I let her down and I'll always be sorry.
I'm curious: under what circumstances do you say this? Do you still carry some guilt about letting her down? Is it more of a reassurance for her when she is having a hard day?
Quote: When you found yourself feeling fear, how did you release that?
I'd find a nice quiet place, close my eye's, and meditate for a few minutes. I would imagine Jesus standing in front of me, glowing, and smiling with His hands outstretched. I could actually feel Him, see His face, gentle and strong. Then I'd imagine myself physically putting my worries and fears in a box, and handing the box to Him. That's it!
I also started thinking more positively about the "what if's" What if - I met a woman that was more beautiful than my W, easier to get along with, and who loved me more than life itself. What if - I won the lottery. What if - my W drove her car into the bay and I got the insurance money. What if - I was able to be strong enough to remain friends with W even if she could'nt love me again and decided to remarry another man, and I would remain single. If you are going to "what if" then "what if" something positive, not negative. Like, what if I get hit by a bus today, or what if I get too much sun, or what if my loving H runs off with his big fat OW. When those thoughts start coming, just imagine a stop sign, and say the word STOP! It's just a habit you need to break.
Hope that helps.
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
