Quote: I don't know if you ever read "Love Must Be Tough" by James Dobson, but there is a section that applies here in a smaller way (in most cases) than he illustrates. It's called "The Gift." It's about a woman abused ber her H and then we wants to leave and she wants him to stay. Anyway he leaves and she is distraught but in the end, after self-realization she finds that she has been handed a HUGE GIFT by his leaving. I think we all get that to some degree when we find the GIFT of our true selves again.
Hi Pam,
I am reading about all the drama is retrospect. All I can say is - You've come a long way, baby!
And, without the help of Zoloft!
The above quote, so true. I have come to think that way about my situation too. It is truly a gift, in heavy disguise of course.
Pam, you sound so much more grounded these days, you are beginning to see who Pam is, and what she wants and needs. I think you mentioned before that most of your adult life has been spent married, or with guys, so this is the first time that you have stood on your own two feet as just Pam, and that can only be a good thing.
It will take more than just TALK to sweep you off your feet the next time. You will know to look for the actions to fit the words, as will I.
((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Wow Pam...I spend this week catching up on my "real" life and find the board has turned into a better soap opera than anything I could have dreamed!
Wish I could have read the "vanishing" thread. I would love to hear how an OW tries to justify herself - and the WAS jumping in to defend her...Yuk, but often that is what the WAS sees in the OP - someone to rescue.
Let me just say I think you handled yourself wonderfully. We all have had times in the past where we didn't handle ourselves with the dignity we would like (when we were going through the worst of the pain, I think the WAS never understands how much it hurts us. And how that hurt just turns us inside out, and yes, sometimes we say and do things we shouldn't) But with this, you proved you are on on the road to healing, you have class and dignity and you can be proud of yourself and the life you are creating!
The OW will never have those things. She will never have the peace that we are finding as we mourn our marriages and move forward in our lives. And the WAS will never have the ability to hold his head high. They live with their decisions, you live with yours, and quite frankly, you are way ahead of the game.
I'd rather be a LBS having to deal with my dreams exploding than an OW who has to live knowing what she did to a marriage. Yuk.
Hang in there Pam...so the challenges aren't quite over yet, but you are so much stronger in dealing with them now! Isn't that nice to know, that you CAN handle these things? (And I hope this is the last you will HAVE to handle! )
VJ
(Oh, and by the way...I can see a very tiny glimmer of hope that Libby, aka "Stupid Dog" might, just MIGHT, become a well-behaved dog by the time she turns three this summer. I've never had a CHILD so challenging, let alone a dog...but we're still working with her! Although I'm not kidding myself - given the chance, she'd chase that squirrel halfway across town!)
Wow! What a crazy few days for you here on the boards! I think you handled it very well. I can see how much you have grown through your posts here. Instead of getting caught up in your XH and OW's chaos, you chose to reflect and really see things in a new light. And that is letting you really move forward. Hurray for Pam!
Enjoy your fuzzy bundles of unconditional love this weekend. My great big fuzzball is outside enjoying this below zero weather. It's her favorite!
WCB
God grant me the serenity,
to accept the things I cannot change,
To change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr
)