Quote: But maybe I really need to feel it first. If I keep trying to get over it too quickly I may never completely let it go.
I do think you need to feel it. Be angry, let it out. That's the only way I could get past it. Not that I don't still have moments of wanting to kick STBX's @$$, but that's mostly because of his current actions
No words of wisdom. Just dropping by to say hi. You did a good job with the kids. They'll pull through. And it's ok to give the wankers a piece of our mind every now and then. God knows, we earned that right, at least. The great thing is, as time goes on, you will feel less and less inclined to do it. It really won't matter what he does, no matter how wankerish it is. You sincerely won't care. That will be a great day for you, trust me.
Hugs and Happy V Day to a great chick!
Spitfire
Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
Sometimes I think that my sitch would be easier if my STBXH told me he hates me and doesn't want anything to do with me. Then, at least, I would feel there is a true reason for us to divorce. But, after I laid into him on Saturday, I sent him an e-mail apologizing. Basically told him that although I didn't understand or agree with what he was doing that I knew it was his choice and he had every right to make it. I got an e-mail today back from him. Here it is:
Beth No I am the one who is sorry beyond words. I want to share with you so much all of the emotions and thoughts I have. But I have had you twisting and turning so much this past year that I am afraid it will just make everything worse. You need to be able to live your life to the fullest and I dont want to hold you back anymore. Despite some of my justifications or rationalizations for some of my actions in the past I certainly would have chosen to handle them differently. Now I find myself down a path knowing how I got here but not knowing how to get out. The truth is We were a very happy family that I truly still love very much. What I have done is not kind or fair nor is it fair to you to continue waiting while I flail around. I am so afraid of hurting you anymore. Rather than rambling forever know that will always care for you deeply.
I'll let you all take a guess as to where he is right now. I actually feel sorry for him. He's so screwed up right now. It's funny. We love each other enough to let each other go. But he's too addicted to OW to let her go. Which do you think is the healthier and more true relationship? But I also know that I need to move on. I need to heal emotionally and physically. Get rid of all of this anger and resentment. It's eating at me. I need to let it all go. Regain my strength at every level. Truly find peace. Then I can really be me.
OCKim -
IMO, anger can actually motivate you to take positive action and move on with your new life. Anger is an important emotion you will experience as you come to terms with the end of your M, and try to let go of your old life.
That's truly my next goal. Coming to grips with the divorce and all the emotional crap that comes with it. Then moving on to a new life. Thanks for your always helpful words!
Take care of yourself ~ lots of medicinal chocolate and wine or those wicked chocolate martinis
Kismet - I have been hitting the chocolate lately. Need to cut back some! But, it does help some!
Flanuer - thanks for stopping by! We do have to have that drink - getting out and having a good laugh will help you - promise!
April -
I do think you need to feel it. Be angry, let it out. That's the only way I could get past it. Not that I don't still have moments of wanting to kick STBX's @$$, but that's mostly because of his current actions
Maybe I need to get a punching bag or something. That would help me feel the anger!
Spitty -
And it's ok to give the wankers a piece of our mind every now and then. God knows, we earned that right, at least. The great thing is, as time goes on, you will feel less and less inclined to do it. It really won't matter what he does, no matter how wankerish it is. You sincerely won't care. That will be a great day for you, trust me.
I can't wait til that day! But unfortunately, I have to go through the hard stuff to get there. So, between the punching bag and chocolate martinis at least I can have some fun along the way!
Thanks to you all! I am doing better today but I realize as well the rollercoaster hasn't stopped yet. There will be ups and downs. But knowing that helps. So, I'll finish my glass of Zinfandel and relax. I need it after this mega-post!
WCB
God grant me the serenity,
to accept the things I cannot change,
To change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr
Hey Beth, Hang in there. It must be so much so much harder to travel the journey when wah is being so nice. Which is why as soon as I find a postpak big enough I will bundle up Superwanker and send him off to you. I'm sure it will be easier not to be married to him. (maybe he'll get lost in transit somewhere in Siberia )
WW, enjoy your wine. You're right I am afraid that the ride will continue for a while yet, but we will make it.
Happy Valentine's Day. And that day is a free for all chocolate day so indulge
Quote: Hey Beth, Hang in there. It must be so much so much harder to travel the journey when wah is being so nice. Which is why as soon as I find a postpak big enough I will bundle up Superwanker and send him off to you. I'm sure it will be easier not to be married to him. (maybe he'll get lost in transit somewhere in Siberia )
Kismet,
I LOVE your ideas!!! Can we package my ex and send him somewhere to see if he gets lost? Package my ex friend with him so he has someone to keep his life inline when he gets lost.
I agree that is harder. David was nice in the beginning and it really added to my confusion. He made some wonderful posts on this bb to others and I kept thinking that man gets it, we are going to save this marriage. The man may have got some of it, but he couldn't give up his tramp to work on our marriage.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Took a few days off. Too much craziness around the house. Between work and kids it is hard to find time to do much. Even sleep can be tough to find. So I've been trying to get to bed earlier rather than being here on the boards late at night.
Not much going on here. I have decided to retain the attorney I like. Will try to do that next week, if I have time. Also been pegged for jury duty the following week. Luckily my mom is going to come up and help out as the kids are out of school for a few days. I never remember getting so many days off school when I was a kid. Is that just me or do you all remember it that way too?
Hope everyone has a great weekend. And stay warm - it's about zero degrees outside right now. BRRRRR!
WCB
God grant me the serenity,
to accept the things I cannot change,
To change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr
It's about zero degrees here too. I don't think we had that many days off from school either. We got out earlier too, though.
I think it's important to like your L and feel confident that they will do the right things for you. Jury duty is something I've never experienced. Let us know how it goes.
I read your thread and must say I admire your attitude. You sound very strong and positive.
Yes def. get your sleep. Zero degrees. Brrr. I agree the kids have it a lot cruisier these days, with more days off. I am just grateful, mine can now fend for himself mostly.
Good luck with the jury duty. I did it once, and got on 2 cases. Since then, have managed to be excused. I have been called about 6 times. Lucky your mum can share your load.
)
Lucky your mum can share your load.