Quote: It's not OK, it really isn't, and it's no excuse either. It's just that, you push someone long enough, they will blow up. I've done it, you've done, we all have, and we also had it done to us too. It's not "OK", but it is human nature.
So it's "human nature" to close and lock a door, just so you're forced to stay and listen to them recite everything you've ever done wrong? Is that how you show your anger to your W? That doesn't fit that that BSLI stuff you were talking about. But if that's the case, I guess I'm just a wimp cuz I don't wanna deal with it but I don't have the courage to stand up to it either.
Quote: So it's "human nature" to close and lock a door, just so you're forced to stay and listen to them recite everything you've ever done wrong? Is that how you show your anger to your W? That doesn't fit that that BSLI stuff you were talking about. But if that's the case, I guess I'm just a wimp cuz I don't wanna deal with it but I don't have the courage to stand up to it either.
Star
Star,
We all do stupid things, thing we regret later. No, locking someone out is not nice, and definitely not acceptable, but in the heat of the moment, we do stupid things like this. We treat each like trash at times, unfortunately, that is the "ugly side" of Human Nature.
Anger is a horrible thing, I know this first hand. I had anger at my W, I had anger at my failure to commincate clearly what I needed, wanted, from the other BB I was on. I blew up. When 5 people don't understand you, especially on the Web, it's very easy to blow up -- you aren't in a room with them, so waht's it matter?
Is that right? No. Is that Wrong? Yes and No. It's how you word things on the Web that you have to be very careful about. Face to Face, you can see the emotions, the cry for help, but that isn't here on the Web.
You are not a wimp if you don't want to argue. Sometimes, it takes walking away to stop the argument. Sometimes, that makes you the bigger person, you tookk the high road, tho you thought it was the low one, you actually broke off the fight, for a good cause, ending it. Never feel bad about that.
Courage, read the books, they will give you the help, it doesn't take "courage". I remember the first time I put PMA to full force, I went to the grocery store. Big smiles, said "Hi" -- totally un-me -- but I got that bakc in return. I chatted a second with the cashier, then she struck up a conversation.
It's not courage Star, it just doing what you have to do, move forward.
Happy New Year All!!!
W and I had the best one in 20 years... It's all fresh again.
I go back to my Dr. this week, think my meds don't work anymore, the whole roller coaster, when I shouldn't have one... It's nuts.
I think, and I know W agrees, 2006, this is gonna be a better year, if not the best since we met. We are on the same page, as one, we had so much fun last night, it was great.
Well, New Year's Day was pretty much W and I, D spent most to the day with her friends, and came home after dinner. For me, it was back to work today, we had last Thursday and Friday off, but no today...??? Weird. Shoulda had Friday and Monday off instead.
Well, I pulled a bone-head maneuver, I re-registered with the old BB in order to get access to my old threads that are in the "Archives" there -- It's basically my Journal for the last year, so I wanted to print it out. I asked the "Tech" admin., if he could copy my threads and zip them and send them to me, but it was "too much trouble" or something... A Tech can't run a database query on threads started by 'xyz' and copy them to a file? C'mon, I'm not stupid.
I created this whole fake persona, which was totally ridiculous, the shear thought of the way I described my "supposed W" was a total joke -- I made it seem way too petty/picky. I just needed enough posts to open up access to another forum on the page, to get some articles, and I already had the access to the Archives just by registering.
However, I figured they'd be looking for me to do just that, so I created the fake persona. Then I was going to sit and wait for a week or so before accessing the Archives, figured they wouldn't be looking by then and it would be safe by then.
My mistake is I trusted a couple people -- Never Trust Anyone Online Again -- and either the admins checked my "Private Messages", or the recipient sent them to the admins, but I got some lame excue in an email from the admin how I "trashed and turn it around on my W". The whole thing was a farse, a total joke, and anyone who believed it, fell for it, deserved it. Anyway, they deleted all that and one admin said I should have just re-registered and got my old posts. I asked for permission to so in a week or 2, but got no reponse. I don't know if that is an "OK" or a forget it, but I may try in a few weeks.
I noticed one thing wrong with me the last month or so. I cut back on my medications, trying to get off them, very slowly since I have been on them so long, years now. I take Paxil for anxiety and depression, and my mind was flip-flopping like a fish out of water, and I knew I had no control. I went back to the full dose, and have calmed down a lot. I see my doc in 2 days, and I am definitely going to dicuss this with him. I have seen stories in the news where people can't get off this stuff, and I was backing down really slowly, but lost it. I'm afraid I may be one of those people who now has to take the stuff the rest of my Life, and that truly scares me.
This evening was good, W and I are doing well. D is being a bit selfish -- she wants an iPod for her B'day, which is months away. We told her to aske for $$$ for her B'day, she got all upset and stomped down to her room.
It's a New Year and W and I put a lot behind us the other night on our date, we had a blast. It's is so great to be able to go out and have fun with my W. I don't appreciate the way guys in bars or pool halls look at her and act toward her, but then again, she gives them the "get the *&#% away look", and I am just glad she is with me. She's beautiful, she's MY W!!! And, SHE Loves ME!!!
Is your W not allowed to have 'private' or 'personal'???
Posting to a BB seems pretty harmless (you're posting here)and you're getting so worked up about her finding an outlet to talk seems pretty controlling.
You know what? You remind me alot of my H, with this kind of stuff:
Quote: created this whole fake persona, which was totally ridiculous, the shear thought of the way I described my "supposed W" was a total joke -- I made it seem way too petty/picky. I just needed enough posts to open up access to another forum on the page, to get some articles, and I already had the access to the Archives just by registering.
I don't understand you...you're complaining about your loving W being a liar and then you do that stuff you wrote about? I don't even understand what it all means, but it sounds like YOU lied to get what you wanted.
When I first came here I thought you had some neat idea, but i don't think that anymore. You're reminding me too much of my husband.
Quote: Is your W not allowed to have 'private' or 'personal'???
Posting to a BB seems pretty harmless (you're posting here)and you're getting so worked up about her finding an outlet to talk seems pretty controlling.
How do I help or fix that???
You don't.
avf
It's not the fact that she is on the other BB, it's what she is being fed there. She doesn't 'post' anything, but she has been 'PM'ing with a couple of people, and I don't know what they've told her, but it brought back up a bunch of crap from the past, 11 years ago. I didn't think it was healthly for our M that she start re-hashing all this old stuff again when we are trying to build our new M. W told me she would quit over a week and a 1/2 ago, then told me the other day that she quit, yet then she logged right on from home.
My main point was she said she was going to do something and didn't, then said she did but hadn't. I don't mind her looking for help and advice, but she was get bad advice there, and W even admitted that, and that was why she said she'd have her account removed a week and a 1/2 ago.
Also, before we got back together, we decided that we needed to be 'open and honest' with each other, so as not to fall back into the same way we were before. I am open and honest, she is sometimes, but a lot of times she says "that's private (or personal)". Sure, some things are, but she says this about simple little things, that come out later, and I just wonder why that was "private/personal" a day ago???
Oh, and I know I can't fix her, but I wish she'd read some of the books, she seems to be stuck and I know I can't get her out of it. She needs to gather some knowledge on how to help re-build our M, other than just what our MC told us.
Quote: You know what? You remind me alot of my H, with this kind of stuff:
Quote: created this whole fake persona, which was totally ridiculous, the shear thought of the way I described my "supposed W" was a total joke -- I made it seem way too petty/picky. I just needed enough posts to open up access to another forum on the page, to get some articles, and I already had the access to the Archives just by registering.
I don't understand you...you're complaining about your loving W being a liar and then you do that stuff you wrote about? I don't even understand what it all means, but it sounds like YOU lied to get what you wanted.
When I first came here I thought you had some neat idea, but i don't think that anymore. You're reminding me too much of my husband.
Star
Star
I'm sorry if I let you down. Really, I am.
I created the 'fake persona' to be able to access some stuff I wanted to make copies of, and to be able to copy my old threads there since that was basically my Journal for the past year. I know it was wrong to lead people on, but really, the story I created was so silly I don't know how anyone could have believed it, and it only got like 2 responses, so I guess people knew it was fake. That's probably how they figured out it was me as well, and then they deleted it and the user.
I would have just used my W's ID to copy the stuff, but she wouldn't let me, so I created the fake one. Yes, it was wrong, and all of that happened over a week ago, so it's over and done with. No, that doesn't justify it or say it's "OK", it was wrong, I felt bad about it and still do.
Again, I'm sorry if I let you down. And I do see your point, so thank you.
You DID let me down. You probably let others down too, who have been following your sad tale here. I don't know why, I guess I'm just too stupid or somthing, but I believe you. You poor guy.... sounds like you just want someone to believe in you.
Quote: I am open and honest, she is sometimes, but a lot of times she says "that's private (or personal)". Sure, some things are, but she says this about simple little things, that come out later, and I just wonder why that was "private/personal" a day ago???
People have a right to have some things be private and personal (George Bush probably would disagree). This has a lot to do with trust. It might seem that a person who desires some things to be private and personal is hiding something. On the other hand, not wanting the other person to have some things remain private and personal shows a lack of trust. I certainly don't want anyone listening to my conversations, for example, and I have nothing to hide.
One thing I am pleased with is that I always granted my ex her privacy. If she said she'd be home late, I didn't hit her with "20 questions." I never attempted to read her emails, and to the best of my knowledge, she never attempted to read mine. We never picked up each others' cell phones. If she was on the phone, I left the room so she could talk in private.
That wasn't enough to keep our marriage together, but lack of respect for each others' privacy isn't what blew it apart either.
