Quote: Relook at it. I believe it was me. But I didn't say...leave the board Mr. Negative.
I just re-read this. It sounds bad. I did actually beat you up for negativity if you want to look back a couple months. Sorry if that sounded mad...the last was in jest, but obviously that doesn't come across in writing. Sorry
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Quote: Since I posted it about myself there is no jab at anyone else. If anyone is offended that I claimed, in jest, that my XW wished to kill me then I'm sorry you were traumatized by that, but get a sense of humor...it might help you DB.
I was not singling anyone out about the jabs and as for the sense of humor- do I hear jab? Sorry, you lose, I was traumatized over a death long before this board.
yes and no. I got a bunch of kisses tonight w/o even asking. he's still running around the house in the nude half the time but now he can recite all the months and knows what year it is!
I had forgot who gave me the reality check a while back, it was you and I thank you for it! You took a risk that day to help me and I appreciate it. (I was being very NEGATIVE about my sit)
Yesterday I got out of hand, I am sorry for how I posted on your thread. I will learn not to jump to conclusions so quickly in the future.
Wes you have helped me alot in the past and I appreciate that very much.
Hi, I could post stuff about me, but I guess it doesn't matter. Jdd was right afterall, I do belong in surviving the big D. I think I basically want someone in my life, but I've become fairly sure that it isn't my XW that I want to fill that role. In case you are wondering...I'm not angry..I'm just waking up. Waking up to the fact that the marriage wasn't that great, my life wasn't that happy, and that things will be WORSE with her in it. We did have a discussion last night that broke down to...we are going to take a step back from even this "friendship" or whatever the h@ll it was. That feels right to me. I've lately become increasingly less satisfied with the interactions we have had. When we would go out to dinner I'd feel like I'd just had a bad date. I would find myself regretting saying yes to dinner or a movie.
Anyway, my post today is about change. It's a daily OM I got today and it seemed quite timely because I'm going to be going through the change of settling in to a "normal" divorce.
Quote: November 10, 2005 Smoothing Transitions 10 Steps To Making Change Easier 1. Begin by making small changes or break up large-scale changes into more manageable increments. This can make you feel better about handling the changes you are about to make while making you more comfortable with change in general.
2. Mentally link changes to established daily rituals. This can make changes like taking on a new habit, starting a new job, or adapting to a new home happen much more smoothly. For example, if you want to begin meditating at home, try weaving it into your morning routine.
3. Going with the flow can help you accept change instead of resisting it. If you stay flexible, you will be able to ride out change without too much turbulence.
4. When a change feels most stressful, relief can often be found in finding the good that it brings. An illness, a financial loss, or a broken relationship can seem like the end of the world, yet they also can be blessings in disguise.
5. Remember that all change involves a degree of learning. If you find change particularly stressful, try to keep in mind that after this period of transformation has passed, you will be a wiser person for it.
6. Remember that upheaval and confusion are often natural parts of change. While we can anticipate certain elements that a change might bring, it is impossible to know everything that will happen in advance. Be prepared for unexpected surprises, and the winds of change won't easily knock you over.
7. Don't feel like you have to cope with changing circumstances or the stress of making a change on your own. Talk about what's going on for you with a friend or write about it in a journal. Sharing your feelings can give you a sense of relief while helping you find the strength to carry on.
8. Give yourself time to accept any changes that you face. And as change happens, recognize that you may need time to adjust to your new situation. Allow yourself a period of time to reconcile your feelings. This can make big changes feel less extreme.
9. No matter how large or difficult a change is, you will eventually adapt to these new circumstances. Remember that regardless of how great the change, all the new that it brings will eventually weave itself into the right places in your life.
10. If you're trying to change a pattern of behavior or navigate your way through a life change, don't assume that it has to be easy. Wanting to cry or being moody during a period of change is natural. Then again, don't assume that making a change needs to be hard. Sometimes, changes are meant to be that easy.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
It really is quite startling to see the transformation of this area of the bb. It used to be as active as anywhere else on the board, but it's like everyone reached the same point at around the same time.....we're either done, we are just focusing on ourselves, or realized that letting go is pretty much what you have to do. Or maybe we've been here long enough that we have our course set out for us and aren't seeking advice.
I'm not sure what it is, but this area of the board has been progressively dying.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Hi, I could post stuff about me, but I guess it doesn't matter. Jdd was right afterall, I do belong in surviving the big D.
I don't want to be right, I would rather have you get remarried to your XW and have a happy life. However if you feel moving on is the best thing, we will pray for you anyway.
The other day I got really bent out of shape over something you didn't even write, so now I am hesitant in posting because I feel like a fool. Wes I think posting, asking for advice and getting advice helps us all. It really doesn't matter what section we post in as long as we get the help we are needing.
Wes please continue to post stuff about your sit., we will look you up no matter what section you post in.
Besides me acting a fool, I am really lost as to what advice to give others, because even though my sit. was progressing nicely, out of nowhere there seems to be some backtracking or coldness on her part.
Each of us have go through hell and back, I wish you peace of mind most of all.
Wes, you're right that this part of the forum sees a lot of casualties. I think that's b/c there are so few of us (how many are willing to DB AFTER a D, given societal standards to just get an exchange R and move on) and b/c the odds are low. Are the odds lower than overall? Who knows. I doubt any reasonable numbers exist.
Perhaps the last throes of the M, and the awful process of D suck out enough life force from a person that it makes a sustained DBing effort that much more difficult. Especially without adequate self-care and support. That's why the forum is so important.
In my sitch, my XW's MLC behavior has become toxic to me. So knowledge of it is tripping me up, hampering my personal growth. So I'm distancing from her - as much as I can. Moving myself to an "I don't care" place that allows me to stay kind and friendly, yet not be as hurt by her shenanigans. Am I walking away for good? I'd like to think of it as a Martha-type walkaway - may take weeks, months, years for any change on XW's part to make our R truly have any semblance of hope. Until then, she's not acceptable to me.
I see many folks in the Surviving forum with a similar stance, with perhaps a bit more pensiveness or protectiveness against being hurt again by the X. So there may be some sizable overlap b/t the two forums.
