I know I'm stereotyping here (sorry Merrick and others): Just noticed that your W is a lawyer. Read somewhere that attorneys are very hard to DB with (or if the LBS, to DB), due to all the training to be antagonists in an interaction.
She seems more patient that most A's, having thought about things for 3 yrs. Just know that she'll have to learn a different perspective than perhaps the one she gained in law school.
I am back from a vacation with D3 to meet friends in DC. It was a relaxing trip and D3 had a great time playing with friends' D5.
I felt quite free of burdens when I was away although I always miss my W. These were old friends of ours and W and I always visited them together. I have been very sparing of details on the sitch with friends since I do not want to taint their R with my W. So it was kind of tricky trying to avoid making mention of the 800-pound gorilla while spending time with them.
Anyway, upon return, I am back in limboland and in a funk. W was very nice upon return and even invited me to dinner at her place (I went) . I dont know what that was all about! Maybe just being friends? Who knows, right? It's a WAS mind after all. Anyway, W and I continue to get along well, in fact better and better. Our R has followed an upward trend for the past 14 months for sure. Well, I guess we will hit a crescendo when the D papers are served, huh?
I will catch up with all. I see that not much has changed on the forum. Wes is still pursuing hard, Bruce is still beating Wes up for it....
UD
The 3 laws of DBing:
1. PMA is critical to DBing.
2. Since drop in WAW's PMA leads to drop in LBS's PMA and vice-versa detachment is critical.
3. Validate to raise WAW's PMA and GAL to raise LBS's.
We would never beat Wes up, he does a fine job of that himself.
As to why the dinner invitation and the increased positive status with her? If we really knew this, then I guess we would not be where we are?
Perhaps she wants to relieve some guilt, wants to see if you are available, wants to be friends, wants to consider other possiblities? Truth is, no matter what we guess, think, believe, perceive, observe, we have NO idea.
All you can do is continue offer your best. And try as impossible as it is, not to dread too much the D.
Good to see you back on the BB and to hear that your trip was a semi-respite from the sitch.
I agree w/Bruce. Dont' bother trying to analyze her. Merely stay in the moment, keeping your PMA as high as possible, and try to just enjoy those contacts. I just can't imagine such positive interactions at this point in my sitch.
I think you're doing a marvelous job with D3. I was moved by your description of her pain. There's nothing that gets to me more than seeing S5 hurting from this. Keep doing the best that you can for yourself and D3, UD.
1. I received the D papers yesterday. W handed them to me with "here are the papers for you to sign". I guess it struck me like a bolt of lightning although I could see it coming from the horizon. I am just internally tired and quiet right now. Amazing, the papers came on the heels of a very pleasant weekend with W and D3. We spent lots of time together playing family! And then, bam, here are the papers! Well, I must hold the honor of going through the most uncontested, plain vanilla divorce. It's a total anticlimax. It seems however like the lawyer that my W hired is actually more interested in playing hardball than W is. For example, apart from all the usual wording about a marriage that is broken beyond repair (my a$$ ) there was crap in there about W being the "temporary and permanent physical custodian" while we were to have joint "custody". Of course, that one will be on my dead body (with A1 steak sauce dribbled all over it). So I called W and she said she thought that was not right and was going to ask the lawyer to change it. That is all I am going to fight about. Money and possessions I give a damn about, but nobody is going to mess with my rights with D3.
2. She handed me papers on the first day of classes and I am so under a heavy load this semester.
So, I am lurking and following everybody and checking on everybody. But I am just too deep in the muck to see clearly enough to write anything energetic right now.
UD
The 3 laws of DBing:
1. PMA is critical to DBing.
2. Since drop in WAW's PMA leads to drop in LBS's PMA and vice-versa detachment is critical.
3. Validate to raise WAW's PMA and GAL to raise LBS's.
So sorry, ((((((UD)))))) I was worried that might be what was keeping you away, but fervently wishing that I was wrong.
I'll step in here and say that was really poor timing on her part to wait this long and then do it on the first day of class!?? On the reverse side, the nice w/e as 'family' time may have been a peace offering.
Somebody here said it once, that the WA tends to be nice at times and in effect, try to let us down easy -- which actually seems to hurt more.
Glad that at least the D will go smoothly without a whole lot of that nastiness getting in the way. Joint physical custodian is the way to go if you can manage.
I'm sorry you got the papers dropped on you after a good weekend. It amazes me, but apparently that kind of interaction in no way appears to influence the WA. Some of my best interactions with the X preceded bringing up the D again. Don't know, maybe T is right, about assuaging guilt through friendliness. I suppose after all the bombs dropping, that this latest is more like an M60 firecracker than nuclear. Hope you can see through the muck to join us more frequently on here. It's helps to have a quarum to see who can be most confused and least perceptive.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
. I dont know what that was all about! Maybe just being friends? Who knows, right? It's a WAS mind after all. Anyway, W and I continue to get along well, in fact better and better. Our R has followed an upward trend for the past 14 months for sure. Well, I guess we will hit a crescendo when the D papers are served, huh? 
) there was crap in there about W being the "temporary and permanent physical custodian" while we were to have joint "custody". Of course, that one will be on my dead body (with A1 steak sauce dribbled all over it). So I called W and she said she thought that was not right and was going to ask the lawyer to change it. That is all I am going to fight about. Money and possessions I give a damn about, but nobody is going to mess with my rights with D3.