{{{{{{{{{Jen}}}}}}}}}} I'm with Koshka. Moving can just be such a terrible stress -- that's why it's on the top stressors list. But it's over now and things will gradually get better. (It helps once you can find the toilet paper.) Is the T of assistance here? Sending peaceful and calming vibes your way.
I am hoping that things are becoming calmer, for both of you and for the baby, who is probably feeling a little anxious too. Aren't you ready to deliver any minute? Things may turn around with the little one becoming the center of the universe.
des
Arguing with reality is like trying to teach a cat to bark—hopeless. (Byron Katie)
I'm sure H2H could have provided an update, but I had the pleasure of seeing Jennifer at Yankee Stadium this evening and enjoyed a couple of innings with her and her SO--who seemed very friendly and nice (I was identified as a friend of H2H)
I'm happy to report that Jennifer looks good and is certainly eight months pregnant. I talked about how great my kids are, but before departing, gently conveyed some fatherly advice to SO that Jen and the baby have to be the two most important people in his life.
Yes, I was spotted feeding outside my habitat on Tuesday night by eagle-eye Merrick, who SO VERY generously gave up his own GREAT seats to the Yankees game so that I could surprise S. as a gift for having worked so hard to get our house ready (it's still not ready, but that's beside the point).
It was the first time we'd been out together in about 2 months, and I was the heroine of the world for having gotten the tickets and having fooled S. all the way to 161st Street / Yankee Stadium on the 4 train, telling him I was taking him to a Gardening at Night event at the New York Botanical Gardens, another 6-7 stops on the 4 up in the Bronx. He had been moping a little at all the Yankee fans on the train, and was trying to put a good face on it, all the while thinking about sitting around at the bot gardens while all these other people got to go to the Yankee game, and right before we got to 161st Street, I pulled his Yankees cap out of my bag and he lit up like a Christmas tree.
I got my PT in spades - he was all over me at the game, clutching my hand, putting his arm around me, kissing my cheek, having his hand on my knee, falling over himself to get me what I wanted... so i have to chalk it up to a major success. He was so happy!
That was a great night. Before that, however, ain't so rosy. I don't think we've been in such dire straits in our R before. It got so bad, and we were just in horribble shape. Even the T appointment week before last, which is usually an oasis of calm in a desert sandstorm, was terribly hard. We couldn't talk to each other, we were ready to give up on our R.
I am getting slower, but I haven't lost my ability to get up off the ground, thankfully. I tried something new, I tried the Yankees tickets and I tried the following, and something turned around. I took a day off on Saturday to go to the Brooklyn Bot Gardens with him, which is a favorite place of ours, and we made a day of it. It was nice, and we had nice talks. When we got home, I didn't want the conversation to degenerate into wasing the dishes, or turning on the radio, or picking up the newspaper or the computer.
So I initiated a What If conversation, just to shake it up a little. I poked around in my brain a little and asked what kind of business he would open if he had a lot of money and wasn't worried about turning a profit. The ensuing 4-hour conversation was spirited, enthusiastically received, and led to some R talk later that was somehow nonthreatening, easy, and productive. We both marveled at our ability to talk to each other in this way.
Wow. So now I've learned something new about S. He was so happy I asked him such a question, and responded better than I'd ever hoped. Even last night on the subway home from our childbirth education class, at which he was so attentive and sweet and full of PT for me that I thought aliens had abducted him, he mentioned my question and asked where it had come from, that we had never talked like that, that that was what he was looking for, that he felt we were finally scratching the surface of getting to know each other, that something had shifted, what prompted me to ask that question, that we needed to talk to each other like that more...
and now, I ask you, O wise members of the board, to help me come up with more of these questions! I'm in a quandary, because I love that it worked, but on the other hand his noticing what worked so specifically makes it hard for me to do it again without it seeming forced or hokey. Any advice on this front will be rewarded with lots of gold stars.
And I'll name our baby after your BB handle. So people like Gefeltsenheimer Bube or whatever it is are cordially asked to abstain.
Hmmm, a little girl called "Heart" or "H2H" or "2"?
Your "what if" question was a way of asking him about his dreams - allowing him to transcend his current environment, problems, issues, jobs, limitations etc. and go where his heart is. On the boat the other day, my crew got into an interesting discussion of what they'd do if they had been the one lucky bloke who won the $250 mega-million lottery last week. No one really talked about buying 'things' - they talked about travels, friends & family they would care for, and everyone talked about what job they would be doing. No one wanted to 'retire' - though most would change their current position.
How about a question about his beloved house in Vermont? What would he like to have done to the place in 5 years time?
I guess I'm thinking in terms of goals & dreams in various areas: Financial; Health/Fitness; Career; Recreation/Vacation; Family; Home(s); Spiritual. Do you know where S. wants to be, say in 5 - 10 years? I know he likes his current job, does he still want to be doing that a decade from now?
Well, that's about all I can come up with for now...
Quote: I ask you, O wise members of the board, to help me come up with more of these questions!
Well, that ain't me, but I'll answer anyway.
The question you asked was about the "no pressure" sitch, "if he had a lot of money and wasn't worried about making a profit." One of my lit classes in college was "Utopias and Dystopias" (did you guess this was in 1984?) and it was always percolating with ideas new to someone.
What if he were in Steinbrenner's job, or Torre's? (Only asking because you portray him as a Yankee fan.) What if he could influence the governor, the prez, whomever, on some issue that touches one of his principles? (You know him, is it Iraq, post Katrina aid in Louisiana, stem cell research, returning the shuttles to duty, what?)
I'm guessing it was such a good experience because you had the chance to discuss principles near and dear, maybe clarify them a little in your own minds, and do it with respect.
You want to take a chance on an R talk coming from this? How about finding out the advice he'd give his best friend when they announce their engagement? What kind of guy does he want courting your daughter?
Don't worry about the login name. Instead, shoot for October 19, the anniversary of our nation's first war triumph as finalized in Cornwallis' surrender at Yorktown in 1781. I think of it as the birth of the good old U.S. of A., because at that point, no one could argue against our independence. I even have cake that day each year.
Thanks,
K
My sitch More importantly, Light A Million Candles
And yes, she does look great doesn't she? For the curious, she's due next month +/- 20th.
