I've called the technology police, Merrick, and they are on their way to confiscate your computer, your cell phone, and any other digital paraphernalia you might have on your person.
Thanks, all, friends and lurkers, for the great suggestions! As SD says, I won't need them very often, and as I said, it feels a little hokey to do it after he noticed so vehemently and talked about it. I'll have to finesse a way to do it without seeming like I'm doing it. (BTW, Stubborn, since you didn't make a specific suggestion I can't name her "Stubborn Dyke," which is what I was secretly hoping for. Ah, well.)
Elllie, gifts are decidedly NOT S.'s LL, which is dismaying to me because gifts are one of MINE. The tickets and the game for him were much more about QT than gifting. I wish it weren't so (and I wish there were a conditional form of ain't), because I am almost always disappointed when I give him something other than a birthday or Christmas present. I've stopped doing it, because it disappoints me so, and it became very one-sided after a while.
His other LL is quite clear to me and that is WOA. He is so solidly ensconced in the WOA camp, and insists "I don't need words of affirmation from anybody" - this after we read the 5LL together. I nodded in all seriousness and let out a hearty guffaw inside.
So H2H and I have joked about plastering the gold stars on him for the slightest things, and we call him the celestial salad maker because of an evening he came home with some yummy salad ingredients (nothing totally out of the ordinary, but nice, like walnuts and crumbled bleu cheese) and proceeded to talk about it all evening and for days to come as though he had climbed Mount Kilimanjaro to cull the ingredients.
Last night he made a spinach and mushroom tart after I'd already gone to bed, and at 6 a.m. when I got up to get breakfast, he asked me if I was going to have some of it. He went on to describe its tastiness. I declined, but promised to have some for lunch. He stuck his tongue out at me. (Sorry, but I am 8 months pregnant and though I've had no weird food cravings or sickness at all, I don't do spinach before 10 a.m.!) No doubt when he gets home he will ask if I had some, and I will proceed to extoll the virtues of that spinach and mushroom tart for days to come.
What else? Things continue to be good. This morning I got a few hugs before he went off to work, and last night he went to bed much later than I but came to tuck me in and stayed a long time, massaging me like we learned in childbirth education class this week (yep, that's what I said).
Must get back to work. Tomorrow I'm taking a test all day (information gathering for my work), so I imagine S. will enjoy some alone time in the house. As QT as he is, he needs some space to breathe in here, and I am always here.
Quote: it feels a little hokey to do it after he noticed so vehemently and talked about it.
Can you make it a joke? Keep it lighthearted, is my advice.
As in "Hey! I thought of another hypothetical question for you.."
As opposed to all the seriousness and need-meeting that is necessary but awkward and stilted at the same time.
Just making light conversation.
Pretty soon he will be used to you bringing them up occasionally, as I am. When I first met my H, I thought he was nuts for always thinking up 'questions' and asking me. I never thought about it meeting a need for him, or wanting to get to know me better, I just thought it was sorta silly. I like it now, though.
Have fun digging into that spinach tart. C'mon, you know it's the best damn spinach tart you've ever eaten. LOL
J - if he lokes to receive WOA, be very careful to recognize his AOS (like making that spinach tart) because he's looking for those WOA. Also - as a WOA person myself, I know that I'm not really into gifts - BUT gifts that are a form of WOA are VERY big with me (like the gold bracelet that says "sweetheart" in Hawaaiian that H gave me). Maybe the ticket surprise went over so well because SO saw it as a giant affirmation??
Thanks for the suggestion, Honeypot, and thank you for your input on my thread! Ellie, you're right on the money about the spinach tart. The veggie chili was the winner of the WOA award last night, though. He made it two nights ago, and then last night he served it again and asked me no fewer than 6 times if it was good! It was so ridiculous at a certain point that even he was laughing at himself. I said Boy oh boy this is good, and he said "This is really tasty, isn't it?" and "Wow, the flavors really sank in, didn't they?" and "This is just the perfect balance of spicy and vegetable flavors, isn't it?" and "Mmm, this is just so good, don't you think?" and on and ON! It was outrageous, really. And I of course affirmed each time and TRIED to compliment it before he complimented it himself, but each time he beat me to it. I mean, there was NO SPACE for me to enjoy it on my own, because he was down my throat with all the "ain't it fine" questions. So I finally laughed (after he had) and said "Would you like to talk about the chili?" and he laughed again, and I said "Boy, if you wanted to talk about something I'd made this much, that would make me very happy." To which he finally stopped asking the questions and I was able to give him one last WOA that is was the most SCRUMPTIOUS, DIVINE, STAGGERINGLY DELICIOUS veggie chili EVER. E-V-E-R.
This morning, though, fighting. He was really P/A with me and I couldn't let it go, calling him as he walked to the coop (after leaving the house) and picking a fight with him over it - well, picking a fight, but letting him know that his behavior really stunk. Ugh. It helps me see how just under the surface, tensions are still really high. I've decided to GAL big time over the next few weeks, just go out and do things and take care of myself (because no one else is!), before my daughter takes over my life. And dropping the rope on trying to get S. to respond to me whatever way. He's just not there, and it hurts, but that's how it is. He acn be really sweet and supportive, and the next day be completely detached. It's really disconcerting when *I'm* so up and down with hormones... I need some stability. So I have to create that for myself. Daily walks, meeting friends when i have time, and I'm going to start forcing myself to stop working at a certain hour and do somehting outside the house.
Sorry - got cut off. I was saying, remember Quality Time is one of his languages - so running away into your own space when you have problems with him is probably NOT the right approach.
How can you pamper yourself, renew your spirit, rest up for this baby, but still give SO the Quality Time he needs? Get a little creative here. Stay out of picking fights, and remember to Act As If.
(Sidenote - lots of people have trouble with the whole Act As If concept. What they don't realize is, we are all Acting As If all the time - that is, we tend to anticipate certain situations, and behave in certain unconscious ways that tend to bring our very expectations to life. If you Act As If SO is going to behave badly and provoke a fight, the odds are much greater that will happen. If you Act As If SO is going to step up to the plate and behave well, he may not always do that, but the chances of it happening are greater.)
